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UC Prompt 1 - Putting my needs behind.



hahaing 2 / 2  
Nov 28, 2009   #1
Any advice, tips, and suggestions is appreciated.

Describe the world you come from for example, your family, community or school and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations

"I'm late! I'm late! These were my thoughts as I jumped off the bus, almost colliding with someone. I sprinted past the school gates, and the bell just rang. I was on time and with a big sigh, I looked for my younger brother. Andrew stood out the most because he was the only one looking around. He was looking for me while other children went home with their parents. When he saw me, he smiled, and we walked home together, telling each other about our day. It was those small, carefree moments that I looked forward to even when things did not go my way.

This was more or less my daily routine on school days. My parents could not afford a babysitter, so Andrew had to wait for me because he was only five years old. At the time, I did not understand why I had to take care of him, and perhaps I did not want to understand. Coming home early, I felt I missed many opportunities at school. I could not socialize with my friends. I always had to decline when they asked me to go to the movies. I missed participating in school events like helping in rallies and skits. I gave up many extracurricular activities, but could not give up badminton. Even then, I had to prepare food and take Andrew to practice. It was embarrassing and hard being the only person with a brother there. During drills, I had to focus on training and divert my attention to see if he was still there.

My brother and I developed a close relationship even though our ages were a decade apart. We accompanied each other and everything was a game to us. We had fun washing rice as he would splash water at me. We had fun taking baths together as he would save me from drowning. He had fun eating as I had to chase him around just for him to take a bite. We had fun sleeping together in a house made of pillows and blankets. We had fun.

My brother has made me more mature and responsible, and has undoubtedly influenced my goals and dreams. As a young adolescent, I frequently argued with my mom instead of listening to her. I was unaware that I was setting a bad example until he started to do the same. He would stall and complain when my mom told him to clean up his toys. Noticing his behavior, I told that he was wrong to act like that, but unconvinced, he said I did it too. Temporarily speechless, I promised him we would stop together. In that single moment, I realized that if he picks up on something so insignificant, then he is likely to mimic other worst examples. One is if I give up on education. He will think it is fine to neglect it and will not make it a priority. I know the consequences, because my parents have honorable, but mediocre jobs with their low education. I hope to be a better example by being the first person in my family to attend college, so that one day, just like how my brother waited for me, I will be waiting for him when he enters college.

nogasa 14 / 35  
Nov 28, 2009   #2
"I hope to be a good example by being the first person in my family to attend college. Thus, one day, like how my brother waited for me, I hope to wait for him when he enters college."

I hope to be a good example by being the first person in my family to attend college, so that one day, just like how my brother waited for me, i will be waiting for him when he enters college. Don't have to use it word for word, just a suggestion to combine sentences.
cryingpiggy 3 / 5  
Nov 28, 2009   #3
u r a great brother~ and nice essay btw.

but i think u can write more about ur dreams and aspirations, like is ur dream to give ur brother a better life?
lilgangwolf 5 / 13  
Nov 28, 2009   #4
i think there is a gap between these two lines? i think you need to fill in the story

I had to get home quickly because my younger brother, Andrew, was waiting for me. At a distance, panting and breathing, we saw each other.

needs a transition between:
His happiness makes me feel accomplished. I want him to have a better life and not experience my struggles and sacrifices.

and

Although I set some bad habits, I am trying to change them.
OP hahaing 2 / 2  
Nov 28, 2009   #5
Ok, thanks for the tips!
happyhours 2 / 8  
Nov 28, 2009   #6
way better and catching ! I can see your love and responsibility for your brother :)


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