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Qatar, Middle East - Describe the world you come from .. "what shaped my dreams"


faisalx94 1 / -  
Nov 26, 2010   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations:

The world I come from is a very different and unique region. I come from Qatar, a Middle Eastern country which maybe small in size but is currently developing in many aspects. My family and friends are very supportive during my academic career. My school is one of the best public independent schools in the country and I am very proud to graduate from such a school.

First of all, Qatar is a Middle Eastern country situated next to KSA and is surrounded by the Arabian Gulf. Even though my country is very small compared to other countries, it is very rich with Petroleum and natural gas. That had motivated me to be part of this industry and to use my experience to create something new or help develop something already out there. What is special about my country is that in the recent years there had been a huge diversity in the population. Many people from different cultures are working in the country and it is a reason for me to work harder to take the pride of being a Qatari local working for his own country. Another thing is that my country is a Muslim country and I am a Muslim and I am proud to being one.That had also encouraged me to work as hard as I can, because achieving something in life with hard work is part of my religion.

Arabic is my first language, and I started learning English when I was 10 years old. However, I feel that the English subject in school is not adequate. The diversity of the people in the country didn't help much though, because their first language isn't English too but at least we can understand each other, so I had to improve myself by doing something I enjoy, like watching English movies, TV shows or listening to music.

I had already stated that my friends and family supported me in every way possible. My friends and I have shared our dreams and future careers so we can still support each other even after our college years. In addition to that, my family -My two sisters and parents- who have already been through this experience before and can certainly support me as I am going through this experience again. And I guess that success is not new to our family, my father graduated from University of southern California and he is now an engineer in one of the biggest national petroleum Companies in the country. Even though I am taking a slightly different path with a different major I am inspired by him to work for success.

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Do I have to Edit, Add or Delete anything?

Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Nov 27, 2010   #2
The world I come from is a very different and unique region. I come from Qatar, a Middle Eastern country which maybe small in size but is currently developing in many aspects. My family and friends are very supportive during my academic career. My school is one of the best public independent schools in the country and I am very proud to graduate from such a school.

^Right. The first sentence is highly subjective and not necessarily true. Also, ''different'' and ''unique''..to what?
Also, I fail to see how pointing out that you went to a public independent school, let alone mentioning that it is ''one of the best'', is of any importance. If it is one of the best, the Unis that you are applying to will know this (Assuming that your and their understanding of ''best'' in terms of schooling is mutual)

That had motivated me to be part of this industry and to use my experience to create something new or help develop something already out there

^What motivated you Faisal...?

Another thing is that my country is a Muslim country and I am a Muslim and I am proud to being one.That had also encouraged me to work as hard as I can, because achieving something in life with hard work is part of my religion.

^Right....Its great to see that you are a proud Muslim, but is there a reason you are mentioning this? Because right now, it just seems that you are mentioning that you are a proud Muslim for no reason.

To be honest, I personally see no reason for this entire paragraph.

Arabic is my first language, and I started learning English when I was 10 years old. However, I feel that the English subject in school is not adequate. The diversity of the people in the country didn't help much though, because their first language isn't English too but at least we can understand each other, so I had to improve myself by doing something I enjoy, like watching English movies, TV shows or listening to music.

^You abbreviate too often here. I would suggest not abbreviating. At all.
Also, earlier you pride the multitudes of cultures in Qatar, and here, you say that there is not enough (to promote English).

I had already stated that my friends and family supported me in every way possible. My friends and I have shared our dreams and future careers so we can still support each other even after our college years. In addition to that, my family -My two sisters and parents- who have already been through this experience before and can certainly support me as I am going through this experience again. And I guess that success is not new to our family, my father graduated from University of southern California and he is now an engineer in one of the biggest national petroleum Companies in the country. Even though I am taking a slightly different path with a different major I am inspired by him to work for success.

^Literally of this is just a giant cliche.
Also, the whole ''success'' thing can be removed in my opinion.
Effectively, your entire conclusion needs to be reworked.

My two fils Faisal


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