Intellectual Vitality
While studying at Stanford over the summer, I walked into a lecture on Quantum Theory that completely changed my idea of the nature of our reality. Before this lecture, I thought reality was stable and somewhat concrete. But this professor proved to me that our reality is far more strange and complex than I had imagined. The lecture was on the Double Slit experiment, an infamous quantum experiment which showed how strangely particles will act on the subatomic level.
In the experiment, electrons were shot into two tiny slits. When a camera observed the electrons, they acted as particles. But when there was no camera equipment used to observe the electrons, they acted as waves and particles simultaneously. When an electron was not being observed, it could leaves as a particle, but then split and become a wave of infinite potential. Each electron could go through both slits, enter one or the other, or neither. This idea was mind-blowing. The simple act of observing an electron compelled it to act "irrationally". As we study smaller and smaller particles in order to understand what were made of, we seem to find that phenomena we see doesn't make sense. We are only able to comprehend a tiny sliver of how the universe actually exists.
As soon as I left the lecture, my over-active imagination went to work. I pictured all the possible implications I could derive from the lecture. Would this happen on a larger scale? Does universe exist differently when no one is observing it? My questions began to turn less scientific and more philosophical. Do we create reality simply by observing it? If this is true, what is reality? After weeks of delving into theories that arose from the experiment, I still struggled to answer any of my questions. I guess the professor was right in quoting the famous physicist Richard Feynman, stating that "It is safe to say that nobody understands quantum mechanics."
Letter to Roomate
Dear Future Roommate,
You might see me tapping on my keyboard at 12 a.m in a trance-like state. I hope you're not bothered by it, because I really can't stop myself. Sometimes I don't even notice the time passing. I sort of lose touch with reality for a while, I get lost in the melodies I'm creating, but I snap out of it eventually. I produce different kinds of music, but mainly electronica and hip-hop. I love discovering new and interesting types of music, hopefully you will be willing to share yours with me. I found that you can learn a lot about a person from their taste in music.
After all the nights i spent neglecting sleep for music, I think I evolved myself to the point where I don't require much sleep. Hopefully you don't mind having late night conversations. Maybe you'd enjoy swapping theories of existence over cups of coffee. And I would see absolutely no problem with fountain hopping at 1 a.m. I spent my last summer at Stanford Summer College. Some nights, just dipping our feet in the water would somehow turn into us falling in.
My summer at Stanford was an absolutely unforgettable experience. I grew tremendously, learning from some of the most interesting and open-minded people I have ever met. I can't imagine how much another 4 years at Stanford will transform me. There's honestly no place I would rather be going this fall. Soon, you'll see why!
While studying at Stanford over the summer, I walked into a lecture on Quantum Theory that completely changed my idea of(to me, this sounds awkward/forced, try something like the way I think about... my perspective... etc...) the nature of our reality. Before(Previous to?) this lecture, I thought reality was stable and somewhat concrete, but this professor proved to me that our reality is far more strange and complex than I had imagined.
The lecture was on the Double Slit experiment --(that might be more of a matter of preference than an error) an infamous quantum experiment which showed how strangely particles act on the subatomic level. In the experiment, electrons were shot into two tiny slits. When a camera observed the electrons, they acted as particles, but when there was no camera equipment used to observe the electrons(present?) , they acted as waves and particles simultaneously. When an electron was not being observed, it could leave as a particle, but then split and become a wave of infinite potential. Each electron could go through both slits, enter one or the other, or neither.(You should probably put this somewhere else in your description because where it is now does not make much sense to me.)(These few sentences are awkwardly worded and arranged and need to be re-written for a better "flow". Try doing something with a linear flow like "The experiment was performed by doing this. This is what should happen, however this is what did happen. This is what happens again." ) This idea was mind-blowing: The simple act of observing an electron compelled it to act "irrationally". As we study smaller and smaller particles in order to understand what we are made of, we seem to find that phenomena we see doesn't make sense. We are only able to comprehend a tiny sliver of how the universe actually exists.(These sentences seem wordy and a little bit irrelevant. Try to stay simple and sum up your feelings about the experiment in only a few words.)
As soon as I left the lecture, my over-active imagination went to work. I pictured all the possible implications I could derive from the lecture. Could this happen on a larger scale? Does universe exist differently when no one is observing it? (You need a transition here: And as my mind began to wander... etc...,)My questions began to turn less scientific and more philosophical(This sounds awkward to me, but at the moment I can't think of anything better. Do what sounds right.): Do we create reality simply by observing it? If this is true, what is reality? After weeks(I might add "and weeks" here just to make the essay sound nicer) of delving into theories that arose from the experiment, I still struggled to answer any of my own questions. I guess(Try something else beside "I guess". Perhaps?) the lecturing professor was right in quoting the famous physicist Richard Feynman: "It is safe to say that nobody understands quantum mechanics."
Search "transitional phrases" on google (or bing or yahoo or ask or whatever). They will really help in fixing your flow. Try using them instead of "but" so much!
Your first essay has an interesting topic; however, this essay is more about physics than yourself. Try to put more "you" in the essay.
If you can do that and fix some of the errors and take some of my suggestions, I think it'll be an astronomical (that's me trying to be physics phunny) essay! :)
GOOD LUCK!
thanks so much! your suggestions are indeed helping me astronomically :)
On the roommate essay,
I can't really picture what type of person you are, it mostly shows that you are thrilled to go to Stanford.
What is something you want them to know more (besides late nights and music taste, which is what most people talk about)
I hope this helps =)
Can you review my Common App essay? Thanks
Good Luck
The roommate essay, I would focus less on Stanford and more on showing yourself.. This is not the essay to be telling the admissions officers how high and mighty Stanford is - they already know. I like the first paragraph though. Maybe focus on the living situation more, what you'll have in the dorm, what you do in your free time
Did a lot of revision, thoughts on this redone intellectual vitality essay?
While studying at Stanford over the summer, I walked into a lecture on Quantum Theory that completely changed the way I think about the nature of our reality. Before this lecture, I thought reality was stable and somewhat concrete. However, this professor proved to me that our reality is far more strange and complex than I had imagined. The lecture was on the Double Slit experiment- an infamous quantum experiment which showed how strangely particles act on the subatomic level.
In the experiment, electrons were shot into two tiny slits. When an electron was not being observed, it could leave as a particle, but then split and become a wave of infinite potential. Each electron could go through both slits, enter one or the other, or neither. But when it was observed by a camera, it would act as a normal particle. This idea was mind-blowing. The simple act of observing an electron compelled it to act "irrationally." I was completely bewildered as I thought about how we only comprehend a tiny sliver of how the universe actually exists.
As soon as I left the lecture, my over-active imagination went to work. I pictured all the possible implications I could derive from the lecture. Could this happen on a larger scale? Does universe exist differently when no one is observing it? As my mind began to wander, my questions began to turn less scientific and more philosophical. Do we create reality simply by observing it? If this is true, what is reality? After weeks of delving into physicists' theories that arose from the experiment, I still struggled to answer any of my own questions. After I couldn't find any clear answers, I tried to come up with my own explanations for the experiment. No, I don't have any award winning theories. But from then on, I became compelled with questioning those unknown realms of science.
