'Summer camp days' - Stanford letter to roomate

Stanford Writing- Roomate Essay
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.

Dear Roommate,

Well, I recently (junior year) started to exercise regularly again. I started waking up early in the mornings to exercise. I did it so much, that it became a habit to wake up early in the morning. I guess I am a morning person- waking up early to go running, having a good breakfast, the whole package.

I never really thought that was a problem, but when I attended a summer internship in Houston during this past summer, I got to room with NAME1, a friend. To be honest, I set my alarm half an hour before I want to wake up, snoozing every 5 minutes. After day 2, NAME1 would get up and disconnect my alarm clock. Apart from the early annoyances, we got along just fine. In fact, our dorm room was so inviting that NAME2, a friend we met from that same camp, ended up "moving in."

I was surprised when, one night, someone knocked on the door, and when I opened it I found NAME2 standing with a mattress on one hand, his suitcase in the other. He slept in the floor for a week, and we had lots of fun. We would all 3 stay up late watching movies, playing pool, sharing life stories, or just 'hanging out'.

When the summer camp ended, I am happy to say I had had no fights with either of my roommates. As we said goodbye, both of my roommates reminded me how annoying my early alarm clock was. I laughed at their teasing, but I now think that a new social environment might require me to change my morning habits, adapting to your and my needs and habits. After realizing I will not be living on my own, I began to hope I don't get roomed with someone who sets his alarm an hour before he has to get up. Oh dear.

----

Thanks in advance :)

Yes, the story is cute. But it's slight, not leaving much room for you to provide information about yourself that might help you get into Stanford. I wonder if there's some way to slip some more information, or perhaps another story, in between the penultimate and last paragraphs?

^ i think i worded this wrong...

im not sure if others will like it, but i think its good. :)
simone is right though, maybe try adding some details, but its a rly cute twist on the idea. (yea idk if 'cute' is waht you were going for lol)

There are many grammar mistakes in your essays, that need to be attended to if this is going to be admitted to Stanford.


^I dont really get the purpose of the first paragraph I have just quoted. You used to set your alarm really early, your friend disconnnected the alarm, it turned out to be alight, (even though there is no sign of a conflict to begin with) and one other friend just moves in.

Does not really say much about yourself...

The first four sentences of the last paragraph are quite redundant as well

This may seem minor, but normally for numbers under 10 teachers prefer that you spell them out rather than typing the number. (Ex 2 = two, 3 = three etc...) So you might want to consider changing that.

Also, like the others have said, you should probably add another short anecdote pertaining to who you are as a person, besides the fact that you will change some aspects in order to accomodate your room mate's needs. Maybe focus in on your study habits in your dorm room, or something more interesting since I don't know you as a person and can't give you more useful ideas.

I do like the story itself, though! ;)

Your essay is nice and lighthearted, and does tell the reader quite a bit about you. But, as others have said, the lighthearted tone and shallowness of the incident recounted does make it seem a bit too light for this sort of application. Maybe you could talk a bit about what made your dorm so inviting, why someone else liked it enough to move in, etc. Or, you could reflect more on the end about what you learned from your rooming experience. Or, you could do both.

thanks everyone. :) i'll revise.

hmmm... its relaxed and humorous, i like it but check others out... it seems like there more detailed but i could be wrong lol