Queen's University Commerce Application Essay

How will you use the opportunities at Queen's Commerce to create a university experience that is right for you?
Queen's seeks candidates who are well prepared academically and who, through their interests, experience and leadership, can contribute to and benefit from a stimulating intellectual climate and be successful after graduation.

right university experience

As a student of Queen's Commerce, I will participate in many conferences, so I can gain professional experience. These events will allow me to prepare me for a business work setting as I collaborate with my peers and network with professionals. In particular, I plan to take part in the Queen's Sports Industry Conference. As an athlete, I have always been interested in the role of sponsorship in professional athletics, and it would be exciting to analyze the business concepts behind it. The opportunity to experience an agency simulation would also help me develop as an effective communicator in a team environment.

Additionally, I will join the Queen's Commerce Performing Artists. I am currently part of the events committee in my band's leadership executive, and I hope to bring my experience to help organize music events that promote a sense of community. My involvement will allow me to continue improving my leadership skills, and my passion for event planning.

Another aspect I am very enthusiastic about is the exchange opportunity at Spain's IE Business School. I have been studying Spanish, and going on an exchange to a Spanish university will be a practical way to learn how business is applied in a different culture. My interaction with the people there will also allow me to strengthen my communication skills and widen my network.

My participation in the conferences, clubs, and exchanges will help me create meaningful connections with people who share my interests. More importantly, I will have learned the necessary practical and social skills that I can apply to my career, giving me confidence to push myself to continuously improve as a leader in the workplace.

Jessica, try to expand a bit more on the athletic sponsorship aspect as something that you hope to enter into either as an athlete looking for sponsorship or as a business person looking to sponsor deserving athletes. Since that discussion is something related to your major and is something you are deeply interested in, the discussion presentation should be longer, more insightful, and interesting for the reviewer to know about. Aside from that presentation suggestion, I am off the opinion that you have done excellent work in the rest of the essay. One point of grammar correction though, say ," will allow me to better prepare for an actual business setting". Aside from that there aren't any other visible grammar errors.