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Question about your dreams and efforts you've made so far and future plans on it

Alexander Park 1 / 1  
Sep 11, 2022   #1

KAIST international undergraduate admissions 2023.

Please describe your dream and the efforts you have made so far to achieve it and your future plan for it. (within 2000 characters/ 300 words).

Since I was little, a personal computer was an essential thing in my house. With our first PC, I was restricted from downloading games I wanted by my uncle, who was a Microsoft developer at that moment. Our little wars with hacking and defending made my love and interest in computers even stronger.

From middle to high school I was very busy with extracurricular activities and school duties. So I had little to nothing time for my hobby which was gaming. But that gaming was not what you usually think. I had fun not playing the actual game, but exploiting its bugs and code weaknesses. Until present I took a lot of participation in upcoming games beta testing, where with my help had been found and solved about 300 various bugs and threats. But only computers were not my only passion. Many school's science majors had my interest as much as IT. Algebra and geometry was like a play field, because you could solve the problems in an irregular way as the author thought. All the effort of teachers shaped me into an extra versatile and efficient person, who can think creatively.

As I've decided to myself that my future is entangled with IT. I want it to be focused on development and research. As I have a lot of friends studying in KAIST, seeing them developing into top grade specialists made me want to be a part of that big community. I am well prepared to endure any hardships that can await me. As only KAIST can give me the opportunities to research and study AI development as well as machine learning.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,204 4317  
Sep 11, 2022   #2
The essay is a very confusing presentation that lacks proper discussion development. It is also confusing because the writer changes the focus midway from gaming, to math and logic, before finally landing on AI. Which of these is the applicant really considering for his major? Pick one and make it the central topic. I am also confused as to how the uncle influenced the exposure of the candidate. Did the applicant live with his uncle? That needs clarification.

It will help the applicant tremendously if he can mention what games he sensed as a beta tester for and how he did this. It will enhance the efforts to make relevant achievements discussion. Future career references are too general and vague to give the reviewer a solid idea of how this chosen course will affect the applicant's career path.

Basically, this essay is a scattered draft that needs to be rewritten. The current form is unusable because of the lack of focus. Try to outline the ideas for presentation fust. Pick the prompt relevant ones and start writing the new response from there.
OP Alexander Park 1 / 1  
Sep 11, 2022   #3

Thank you so much for your feedback, I will consider all the mistakes and rewrite it as you suggested.

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