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Questions about UBC Personal Profile - admission essay

nansuncy 1 / - 1  
Jan 3, 2017   #1
Hi, I'm writing my admission essay for UBC. Because I'm a Chinese students, there are might be some grammer mistakes in my essay. And I'm not sure if my essay is bind the topic of the question.

Please comment and edit my paragraphs. Thanks a lot !!!

my choice

Tell us about an experience, in school or out, that taught you something about yourself and/or the world around you. (maximum 200 words)
When I was studying in Grade11, I began to learn admission information about universities. As I knew that international students need to meet the English language competency, an IELTS exam would be a good choice to indicate my ability. Last summer, I took my first IELTS exam but did not get a satisfying score. The IELTS marks revealed that my weakness were reading and listening. I was troubled by this result and steeled myself for another attempt, whereas I noticed that UBC admission officers recognized students who have completed three consecutive years in Canadian high school. I spent a whole summer vocation on studying reading and listening skills. Moreover, I read a lot English fictions and watch many English movies to get closer to local English life. My hard work paid off when I received my second IELTS exam result, that my scores on those two areas have significant improvements. Through this learning experience, I find that I am the person who has a strong will and an indomitable spirit, and I realized an old truth: "where there is will, there is way."

Be it inside or outside of the classroom, what have you done to challenge yourself intellectually? Describe an issue, topic or area of study that you have investigated or pursued. (maximum 200 words)

From early age, I love browsing through books and websites about computer knowledge, especially computer's working principles. Last year, I studied some basic knowledge of computer science in school and took a great interest in programming language. Then I decided to use my skills to program a little game as birthday gift to my father. I germinated to write a Tictactoe by using javascript because I usually played this game with my father on paper. Even though it was easy for me to copy down the programming code online, it almost spent all my leisure time from April to June to come out my own way to make the Tictactoe. During this process, I had to learn the complex knowledge of JS and combined it with other programming languages. Those efforts rewarded when I find I have got many knowledge of computer science and successfully made a perfect birthday gift.

Explain how you responded to a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation. What did you do, what was the outcome, and what did you learn from the experience? (maximum 200 words)

After living in China for more than 10 years, I decided to come to Canada to receive a new way of eduction. However, as an international student, I was unfamiliar with the new method of learning and the local culture. In the first semester, my Christian Ethics class had a big project that every student need to make a 40-minute oral presentation. I was so worried because I never had an experience that speaking in front of classmates for such a long time. Even though I felt depressed, I attempted to cheer up myself because this was a problem I must to come over. From this perspective, I consulted upperclassmen about tips and asked my teacher for more detailed help. Moreover, I spent a lot time on researching my topic and filtering the useful information. As a result, my prevention received great praises from my Ethics teacher and classmates. From this experience, I learned to see things in a positive perspective. Whenever I confront a problem, I will think it with a confident attitude and come over it in a courageous way.

Tell us more about one of the activities you listed above by explaining what your goals were, the role you played, and what you learned in the process. (maximum 200 words)

In September, I volunteered in a rummage sale and worked with a group of kindhearted people who were from various industries in our society. I participated it because volunteer service was a good opportunity to learn life skills and assimilate into the local culture. In this rummage sale, my job was to collect money for the art works and sell costumers products, and at the end I helped to sort items. Since I was not good at promoting sales, this experience helped me gain confidence to deal with people and develop the skills in business knowledge. Moreover, sorting stuff taught me an important lesson that overall planning and proper arrangement are the key to saving time but work efficiently. This volunteer service also helped me to understand my social responsibility that individuals could have contribution to the whole society.

Additional information: Applicants may wish to explain why they want to study their particular program at UBC (maximum 100 words.)
In Bachelor of Art, my most interested major is Computer Science. Since childhood, I took interests in things computers can do. Moreover, today's world is a high-tech world, computers are helpful and have brought great changes in our daily life. Thus, computing and its related subjects are the most attractive topics for me.

My second choice is Urban Forestry. Nowadays, environmental problems have become the burning issue in our society, especially for the lack of urban green spaces. It is very important that young people take part in the environmental activism and learn the particular knowledge.

Thanks :P
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,000 3875  
Jan 3, 2017   #2
Hi Nancy, I know that you are new to the forum so you probably aren't that familiar with the rules here yet. We have a one essay per thread ruling and the admin deletes all successive essays located in a single thread. So, in an effort to help you, I will give you advice on the topmost essay in your thread. That is considered the first essay. You need to start new and separate threads for your other essays before we can help you with those.

Rather than telling the reviewer that you began to research studying abroad opportunities in Grade 11, you should instead, show him how you prepared for your first IELTS test. That is so that when he finds out that you failed 2 portions of the test, the background or reasons that you failed in those portions will be clear to him. That information is more important than why you decided to take the test. What is important, is that you took the test, you failed, and then you prepared again and this time, you succeeded in your task. So the rest of the essay has a good presentation for the last part of your essay. You just need to revise the start so that it will be more interesting and informative to read.

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