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"Rachel's Challenge" - Common App: significant experience, achievement, risk...


neil098 3 / 8  
Nov 12, 2009   #1
This essay is not my personal essay, but I am sending it to Stony Brook as an essay for admission into the Scholars for Medicine/Honors College program.

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"I Accept Rachel's Challenge". The short sentence was spread across a large white banner at the main entrance of my local high school. I gazed at the small and seemingly-miniscule sentence and noted that the simple phrase has so much more meaning and significance than many young people my age would perceive.

Of all the events I have experienced in my life, one that has had a big impact on me was a presentation at my high school regarding Rachel's Challenge. During the presentation, Rachel Scott's sister Dana described her sister's immense influence on young people across the nation after Rachel's death at the Columbine shooting several years ago. Rachel promoted kindness and compassion unlike any other; her message spoke to me individually and moved my conscience. Although I have always been an advocate for benevolence and respect to all, Rachel's Challenge has truly shown me the importance of showing compassion and love to every individual regardless of appearance, ethnicity, or creed. The good deeds of a single person can create a "chain reaction" and exceed the expectations of the human mind. The presentation has empowered me to show kindness to all and be of service in my community through the Friends of Rachel Club.

The death of Rachel Scott at Columbine disturbed the entire nation. Moreover, the thought of such an act disturbs my conscience whenever it reaches my thoughts. Rachel's Challenge has prompted me to rethink my code of ethics and align it to that of Rachel's. Many young people today disregard kindness and humility; they associate it with weakness and gullibility. I choose to be humble and embrace Rachel's Challenge for the same reason as Rachel Scott to embrace it: I want to start a chain reaction.

Please give comments, criticism, advice, corrections, etc. Thanks!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 13, 2009   #2
noted that the simple phrase has

compassion and love to every individual regardless of one's appearance, ethnicity, or creed.

and embrace Rachel's Challenge for the same reason that compelled Rachel Scott to embrace it: I want to start a chain reaction.

Brilliant! You did well with this. Great approach, great writing.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Nov 13, 2009   #3
"I Accept Rachel's Challenge". The short sentence was spread across a large white banner at the main entrance of my local high school. I gazed at the small and seemingly- miniscule sentence and noted that the simple phrase has so much more meaning and significance than many young people my age would perceive.

Of all the events that I have experienced in my life, one that has had a big impact on me was a presentation at my high school regarding Rachel's Challenge.

Rachel's Challenge has prompted me to rethink my code of ethics and align it to that of Rachels. herself.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 18, 2009   #4
One more sentence at the end of that first para could make it more meaningful... give one more sentence right there, and it can help to convey the thought and feeling you are trying to convey. It can be a short sentence.

Use sentence case for this:
"I accept Rachel's challenge."------> no need for them all to be capitalized... I know it was a sign, but you should still ust use normal sentence case.

:-)


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