Racism, UT essay B - issue of importance

Please let me know what you think of my essay, if it answers the prompt, if there are any mistakes, and how I can make it better. Thanks in advance!

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

We see all sorts of problems in our society today, but one of the world's major issues has always been racism. Racism is a dear cause of hardships for many minority people living in America and elsewhere, and a lot of people are oblivious to the fact that it still exists. People even create racist organizations, which target the group of their apathy to detest their sinful acts. Many lives are lost due to murder resulting from racism every year. Tragic events such as 9/11, African enslavement, and even the holocaust were all effects due to racism.

Defined as an act of true hate to another whom does not share the same ethnic features as yourself, racism can even bring someone to the point of murder. We've learned about the holocaust and enslavements, but why can't we learn through past history that those tragic events were a conclusion from racism? Racism starts from a simple notice of different physical features and appearances of a person.

The infamous Ku Klux Klan is an example of failure to learn from past historical mistakes. Even though all issues between White and Blacks were "resolved," the KKK detests the rights of African Americans still to this day. The Klan believes in none other than all white superiority. They run around wearing white sheets and chanting racial slurs against African Americans, Mexican Americans, and other races. The Nazi party, which we know were the main antagonist of the holocaust and murder of millions of Jews, is another racist organization which was created under the leadership of Adolf Hitler.

More recently, on September 11, 2001, New York's World Trade Centers were attacked by two hijacked planes. Taking thousands of lives, the American planes were hijacked by Middle Eastern terrorist organizations. On this day Americans of all age, sex, and race were united as one. However, as the years pass, the hatred that a lot of Americans felt towards Middle Easterners would not have been disagreed. The innocent Muslims and Arabs all over the country were feared, spit at, and even bantered. Racism seemed to once again continue.

People must understand that racism still exists to this day, that innocent people lose their lives because another person does not accept differences. As long as people walk this earth, racism will always be present. There will constantly be racist organizations, tragic events, and history to look back upon. However, until people realize the animosity and hatred towards one another racism will only become worse.

it's very generic and pretty much useless


but a lot of people? don't you want to establish a contrast?


your next sentence should answer this question

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

alright, you answer the part "choose an issue", but that's IT. THE ESSAY IS NOT ABOUT YOU CHOOSING THAT ISSUE ONLY, IT'S NOT ASKING YOU TO DESCRIBE A CONCERN, BUT TO write an essay in which you explain the significance .

the admin won't give a f about facts racism. the admin already knows what's racism, no need to remind. your essay would fit great if the prompt were: describe an issue, but that's not the freaking prompt!

this question doesn't want to know how much you know about an issue, but how YOU are changed. Point to me 1 sentence in which you described the impact of racism to you? were you discriminated against?

"People must understand that racism still exists to this day" so what? why should UT accept you?
COLLEGE ESSAYS NEED I's. If you don't have an "I" every other sentence at least, you are not doing what you are supposed to, which is to convince the college that you are an insightful person aware of a problem and changed by it. If you talk from the perspective of another person, then how will the admin learn about YOU?

My suggestion: either you have been discriminated against, talk about it, or change the subject to something much more person. It doesn't matter how much you care about it, if you can't say how you were changed or at least what you did to correct the problem, it will be a documentary and the reader will throw away your essay in 5 seconds (literally, the admin has about 5000 essays to read during a day, so s/he doesn't have time to read your impersonal view on slavery)

ANSWER THE PROMPT!!!!!!!

...were all effects due to of racism.

or...

...were all consequences of racism.

or...

...were all associated with racism.

When you give that definition, put the name of the dictionary in parentheses to "cite the source."

In that last para, mention the 3 examples one more time.

Okay, I TOTALLY CHANGED my topic and essay to gang violence. let me know what you think please. all kind of criticism and corrections are HIGHLY welcomed.

Through my early years of life, I grew up in a lower class town with high gang activity. Wherever I went there would be gang members, all wearing the same clothes, leaning against a wall either guarding their territory, gambling, or dealing drugs. I used to walk to school during my elementary and middle school years, and I was often confronted by many of these so called "gangsters." I used to have so much fear for these people because I was scared of what they would possibly do to me. It was as if gangs had taken over not only my neighborhood but my soul.

Elementary school and Jr. High were the toughest times for me. I grew up in a military town, Killeen/Ft. Hood, TX, where the majority of the population were blacks. During my trips, walking to and from school, I encountered much trouble and was often bullied by the neighborhood "gangsters." "Hey kid, want some pot?" I was once asked on my way to school by a creepy man who always wore blue. He had tattoos covered all over his body, wore baggy clothes and a blue bandana, and was always followed by an entourage of about 4 or 5 other guys who all wore the same clothes. Of course I refused because I was taught to say no to strangers, but just the fact of knowing that I was asked to buy drugs in the 3rd grade makes chills run down my spine, even to this day. I have witnessed innocent people get "jumped," drive-by-shootings and even an old woman being robbed. Stuff like this you would expect to see in movies, but I witnessed it in real life and experienced it as well.

A hand-full of kids at school were associated in gangs too. They would bring drugs and weapons to school, bullying kids, always cursing worse than a pirate, and never followed teacher's instructions or rules. I used to get bullied in class by these so called "thugs." I would often tell the teacher what was going on and she would say, "Don't worry. I'll take care of everything." But I would never see her at least even warn those kids who tormented me. Sometimes I could see the terror on teacher's faces. It was almost as if the school staff was too afraid to do anything. I was utterly dumbfounded on how the school did nothing to prevent bullying or gang violence so I began to take matters into my own hands, and that did not work out so well. Standing up for myself only caused me more harm. Consequently, I was jumped for even trying to hold my own ground.

When the school teachers did nothing, I felt like there was no hope. And when I got beat up for standing up for my rights, I knew there was nothing else I could do. I became paranoid whenever I walked outside my house. I would stroll down the sidewalks and every 5 seconds, check if there was anyone behind me. The outside past the walls of my home became a war zone to me, and playing outside was no longer an option. I began to expect my fate. Having my lunch money stolen would become a daily routine. I would beg my parents to drive me to and from school, and they became so annoyed. During those years of my life I became a social outcast. Living as a hermit, I associated with no one at school because I believed everyone was harmful and that no one would help me.

Despite all the chaos, my parents decided to move away from the "ghetto" neighborhood I grew up in because of better income. We ended up moving to Harker Heights, which is a newer town right next to the previous city I moved from. Although the neighborhood I moved to was not completely gang free, there was a lot less gang activity than my old neighborhood had. However, the area we moved to was still apart of the highly concentrated gang area. Driving around town, you could still see buildings that were tagged by gangs every other block.

Just recently, a murder of a high school student across town had occurred. The cause of the student's murder was due to gang violence. If I did not move, I would have had to attend the high school that that student was murdered at. And who knows, I could have been the one that lost his life due to gang violence.

avoid using 'you's


handful


example?


i realized


, which gradually annoyed them.


five

so, your whole point of the story was to say this:


while it might be true and impacted you a lot, by setting this as your central point makes you sound very trite.

it's kinda like writing an essay about how i immigrated from china, then add that if i haven't, i might've been killed by the earthquake or something

the prompt asks for an issue of importance and its impact on you. but it doesn't mean that you're done after describing the issue and talk about how you were bullied. what is the moral? all you've said is that you escaped. is that what you want the admin to know about you? seeing an issue then deciding that escape is the only way?

this essay is half complete. it tells the concern well (although a bit too extensively. try to focus on 1 or 2 aspects, not drugs and bully and standing up and beating down...it's all over the place) you only need 1-2 paragraphs to get the point across. indeed, gang problems are everywhere, especially state colleges, so the admin knows what's happening.

then focus on your personal thoughts on it. you did talk about how this impacted you, but how do you view it? see how your thoughts were passive, since you've been submitted to all this? well, you have to become active and actually voice your opinion. how is gang bad? how can this cause a problem in a bigger-than-local sense? is this solvable? have you tried to solve it? or at least thought about solving it? what have you done to avoid getting intimidated?

again, colleges want to see strong men and women, not a coward who flees a problem, even if you can't do anything about it. if this is really the case, don't write about it.

provide a solution. you don't wanna end your essay on a hopeless tone.