Hey guys,
heres my essay that im writing for rutgers. please give me feedback so I know what to fix.
Thanks!
Essay: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
Raised in Hamilton, New Jersey for the first half of my academic career, I was one of the few students of Indian heritage. The majority comprised of Caucasians and a few African-Americans. Here, I was constantly asked "Do you speak Indian at home?" and "What religion are you?", because almost everyone only spoke English and followed Christianity. In school, I could easily flaunt my unique background, whether it be teaching my curious peers words from the Punjabi language or sharing traditional Indian food with them during lunch.
In the middle of sixth grade, everything changed. My new home was West Windsor, New Jersey, one of the most diverse towns in all of the state, which was only ten minutes away. With a greater Asian population, I was now part of a whole, rather than standing out by myself. I was no longer different from others in the district culturally; instead I discovered myself to be different as a character.
Throughout high school, I have been active in the community. Volunteering at different hospitals, University Medical Center of Princeton and St. Francis in Trenton, I could clearly see the aberrations within our own community. Two towns about 20 minutes from each other held completely contrasting socio-economic rankings. The hospital in Trenton was located in a poor, discommodious neighborhood. The other hospital, on the other hand, was located near the posh, chic streets of Princeton. Although the locations and people were different, the objective was the same. Help all, no matter the differences.
A few of my classmates have volunteered at Princeton, but none have been to Trenton. This experience has given me a glimpse of reality that not many in my affluent district have seen. It has taught me that there is so much diversity even within our own county, whether it is good or bad, and that we must accept it and work together. It has made me stand out of the crowd of the West Windsor-Plainsboro school district because I have experienced the effects of both wealth and poverty through my service to the community.
So what will Rutgers bring to me, and what will I bring to it? I will bring my unique sense of acceptance and knowledge of society that many people in our community do not possess. I will also bring my determination to succeed in education, which will hopefully rub off on others so we can make Rutgers a more demanding and competitive atmosphere and require everyone to aim higher in life. In return, Rutgers University will give me a quality education, new acquaintances, and even a new life. With the campus teeming with diversity, I will benefit from people of different cultures and backgrounds. They will help me succeed in making myself a better person and even more accepting.
heres my essay that im writing for rutgers. please give me feedback so I know what to fix.
Thanks!
Essay: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
Raised in Hamilton, New Jersey for the first half of my academic career, I was one of the few students of Indian heritage. The majority comprised of Caucasians and a few African-Americans. Here, I was constantly asked "Do you speak Indian at home?" and "What religion are you?", because almost everyone only spoke English and followed Christianity. In school, I could easily flaunt my unique background, whether it be teaching my curious peers words from the Punjabi language or sharing traditional Indian food with them during lunch.
In the middle of sixth grade, everything changed. My new home was West Windsor, New Jersey, one of the most diverse towns in all of the state, which was only ten minutes away. With a greater Asian population, I was now part of a whole, rather than standing out by myself. I was no longer different from others in the district culturally; instead I discovered myself to be different as a character.
Throughout high school, I have been active in the community. Volunteering at different hospitals, University Medical Center of Princeton and St. Francis in Trenton, I could clearly see the aberrations within our own community. Two towns about 20 minutes from each other held completely contrasting socio-economic rankings. The hospital in Trenton was located in a poor, discommodious neighborhood. The other hospital, on the other hand, was located near the posh, chic streets of Princeton. Although the locations and people were different, the objective was the same. Help all, no matter the differences.
A few of my classmates have volunteered at Princeton, but none have been to Trenton. This experience has given me a glimpse of reality that not many in my affluent district have seen. It has taught me that there is so much diversity even within our own county, whether it is good or bad, and that we must accept it and work together. It has made me stand out of the crowd of the West Windsor-Plainsboro school district because I have experienced the effects of both wealth and poverty through my service to the community.
So what will Rutgers bring to me, and what will I bring to it? I will bring my unique sense of acceptance and knowledge of society that many people in our community do not possess. I will also bring my determination to succeed in education, which will hopefully rub off on others so we can make Rutgers a more demanding and competitive atmosphere and require everyone to aim higher in life. In return, Rutgers University will give me a quality education, new acquaintances, and even a new life. With the campus teeming with diversity, I will benefit from people of different cultures and backgrounds. They will help me succeed in making myself a better person and even more accepting.
