Please proofread and give me suggestions on how to make this better. I'm not confident with the last paragraph, so please help me out with an appropriate way to end the essay.
"We know that diversity makes us a better university -- better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."
(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)
Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.
His bare feet were cracked and swollen, having never worn any form of footwear in his life. His oversized clothes were nearly dilapidated, having only two other outfits to be alternated with. Yet his smile was probably the most extravagant I have ever seen, dissolving every burden that he has ever faced. This boy was one of many gratified municipal school children attending art classes held by Akanksha, an Indian organization committed to unveiling potential of underprivileged children through education. During the summer of 2006, I was fortunate to travel to India and assist my cousin in teaching art classes, expanding my awareness of the world's social diversities.
Raised in a privileged community, I had never witnessed poverty until I walked through the streets of India, where children barely old enough to talk were suffering from starvation. When I attended my first art class with my cousin, I was astounded by the differing appearances between my peers back home and the adolescents in front of me. Despite their economic and physical circumstances, these students could not have been more ecstatic to be presented with an opportunity to develop their potential and find their place in society.
After encountering this eye-opening event, I realized that I could not continue ignoring the lives outside of those in Troy, Michigan, and I decided to return the privileges given to me. Volunteering allows me to feel satisfied with positively impacting someone's life, from participating in canned food drives to tutoring children. At the University of Michigan I hope to pursue volunteerism and diffuse awareness of less fortunate societies, resulting in an enthusiastic smile on every child's face.
"We know that diversity makes us a better university -- better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."
(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)
Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.
His bare feet were cracked and swollen, having never worn any form of footwear in his life. His oversized clothes were nearly dilapidated, having only two other outfits to be alternated with. Yet his smile was probably the most extravagant I have ever seen, dissolving every burden that he has ever faced. This boy was one of many gratified municipal school children attending art classes held by Akanksha, an Indian organization committed to unveiling potential of underprivileged children through education. During the summer of 2006, I was fortunate to travel to India and assist my cousin in teaching art classes, expanding my awareness of the world's social diversities.
Raised in a privileged community, I had never witnessed poverty until I walked through the streets of India, where children barely old enough to talk were suffering from starvation. When I attended my first art class with my cousin, I was astounded by the differing appearances between my peers back home and the adolescents in front of me. Despite their economic and physical circumstances, these students could not have been more ecstatic to be presented with an opportunity to develop their potential and find their place in society.
After encountering this eye-opening event, I realized that I could not continue ignoring the lives outside of those in Troy, Michigan, and I decided to return the privileges given to me. Volunteering allows me to feel satisfied with positively impacting someone's life, from participating in canned food drives to tutoring children. At the University of Michigan I hope to pursue volunteerism and diffuse awareness of less fortunate societies, resulting in an enthusiastic smile on every child's face.
