UC Essay #3
i'm not real concerned with grammar mistakes yet. give me your feedback about the general idea/structure of this essay. honest opinion is appreciated. i can handle it. thanks.
Tell us about a personal accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are.
I've had many accomplishments and experiences that I think are significant, but the event I keep going back to is something that took place very early in my life. In 2nd grade, my GATE (gifted and talented education) teacher assigned every student in the class to participate in The Sacramento Bee's Design an Ad competition. The lowest age division in the contest was 4th-6th grade but my teacher said she talked to the coordinators and everyone in our class would be allowed to enter. I rolled my eyes at this idea. I didn't consider myself a good artist, and I figured in a competition with 4,000 other entries from much older students I had no chance. Why even bother?
Over the next few weeks I started my ad which would be for Ralph's grocery store. I knew I couldn't win the contest with my artistic abilities alone, so I thought of a catchy slogan. I combined this with a simple design of the faces of three shoppers before and after they shopped at Ralph's. My ad was charming and straightforward, but I still had no hope.
A few weeks later I was on the playground during recess when my teacher came running towards me. She had tears in her eyes. I was awarded first place in the 4th-6th grade division. I was the first winner ever from my school and the youngest winner in contest history.
Even though this happened when I was very young, it has had a great effect on my current interests. I still don't think I'm a very good artist, but anytime I'm faced with a situation where I don't think I'm good enough, I remember my success in this contest. Last year when my high school was looking for a new sound engineer to run school events, I decided to apply for the job.
Although I didn't have very much prior knowledge with sound systems, I thought it sounded fun and I should at least give it a try. It was my experience in the design an ad contest that taught me that anything is possible when you give your best effort. I met with the previous sound engineer and I was honest with him about my lack of knowledge but he seemed confident that I would have no problem learning and he chose me to be his successor after his graduation.
Sound, and music in general, is now a major part of my life. I set up and operate the sound system for every rally, concert, or assembly we have at school. This is a lot of responsibility, but it can also be very rewarding. This newfound interest in sound goes beyond my duties during school. I recently joined an indie electronic band called The Alaskan Interior and I spend countless hours after school sampling and mashing old songs and making new beats on my laptop.
Making music is something that I get a lot of happiness from and I hope to enjoy for the rest of my life. The open-mindedness I learned from my experience in the Design an Ad contest gave me the confidence to try this new field and I am very glad that I did. To this day I'm not afraid to try new things. Even if I try something and don't succeed, it doesn't discourage me because I know it's better to try and fail than to never try at all.
i'm not real concerned with grammar mistakes yet. give me your feedback about the general idea/structure of this essay. honest opinion is appreciated. i can handle it. thanks.
Tell us about a personal accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are.
I've had many accomplishments and experiences that I think are significant, but the event I keep going back to is something that took place very early in my life. In 2nd grade, my GATE (gifted and talented education) teacher assigned every student in the class to participate in The Sacramento Bee's Design an Ad competition. The lowest age division in the contest was 4th-6th grade but my teacher said she talked to the coordinators and everyone in our class would be allowed to enter. I rolled my eyes at this idea. I didn't consider myself a good artist, and I figured in a competition with 4,000 other entries from much older students I had no chance. Why even bother?
Over the next few weeks I started my ad which would be for Ralph's grocery store. I knew I couldn't win the contest with my artistic abilities alone, so I thought of a catchy slogan. I combined this with a simple design of the faces of three shoppers before and after they shopped at Ralph's. My ad was charming and straightforward, but I still had no hope.
A few weeks later I was on the playground during recess when my teacher came running towards me. She had tears in her eyes. I was awarded first place in the 4th-6th grade division. I was the first winner ever from my school and the youngest winner in contest history.
Even though this happened when I was very young, it has had a great effect on my current interests. I still don't think I'm a very good artist, but anytime I'm faced with a situation where I don't think I'm good enough, I remember my success in this contest. Last year when my high school was looking for a new sound engineer to run school events, I decided to apply for the job.
Although I didn't have very much prior knowledge with sound systems, I thought it sounded fun and I should at least give it a try. It was my experience in the design an ad contest that taught me that anything is possible when you give your best effort. I met with the previous sound engineer and I was honest with him about my lack of knowledge but he seemed confident that I would have no problem learning and he chose me to be his successor after his graduation.
Sound, and music in general, is now a major part of my life. I set up and operate the sound system for every rally, concert, or assembly we have at school. This is a lot of responsibility, but it can also be very rewarding. This newfound interest in sound goes beyond my duties during school. I recently joined an indie electronic band called The Alaskan Interior and I spend countless hours after school sampling and mashing old songs and making new beats on my laptop.
Making music is something that I get a lot of happiness from and I hope to enjoy for the rest of my life. The open-mindedness I learned from my experience in the Design an Ad contest gave me the confidence to try this new field and I am very glad that I did. To this day I'm not afraid to try new things. Even if I try something and don't succeed, it doesn't discourage me because I know it's better to try and fail than to never try at all.