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' reaching every direction' - Michigan Personal statement- Econ/Business

SpicyCurryMan 2 / 9  
Oct 7, 2012   #1
Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum)

I need some feedback and harsh criticism about every aspect of the essay in general. I am not the most talented essay writer. :X I'll be glad to help anyone else out as well.

Without a doubt, economics is the most powerful concept created by mankind. It is used to analyze everything existing in the entire universe. From finance and business to politics, economics is found everywhere because there is always scarcity and incentives created. It is considered more significant now more than ever due to the fiscal calamity and ongoing recession. Therefore, I want to study at the College of Literature, Sciences, and the Arts.

The Department of Economics offers wonderful opportunities to broaden my knowledge. The teaching and research encompasses a variety of fields which I am interested inïdevelopment economics, industrial organization, international economics, and public economics. This will surely help me discover how I want to apply my knowledge. In high school, I thrived best in hand-on activities. I benefit from collaboration and competition; from class presentations to science fairs to in class discussions, I have learned that from active experiences. I gain wisdom while reaping enjoyment and satisfaction. At LSA, I am glad that action based learning is emphasized. I will be able to learn not only through theory and analytical methods, but also by practical means and critical thinking. Through the internship program, I will be able to develop my social, leadership, and communication skills.

The quality of food is reflective upon the quality of earth and soil it is grown in. Likewise, the quality of people in Ann Arbor is reflective upon the environment. Ann Arbor is the hub of innovation and creativity. Ann Arbor is one of the best cities in the countries to work in; it provides limitless opportunities for internships, starting new businesses, or expanding old ones. The people here are hardworking, ambitious, and creative. Each year many people in Ann Arbor develop products which are able to change the world. The entrepreneurial spirit, intellectual leadership, and innovative ingenuity rub off onto the community. This is evidenced through the many successful businesses which have been founded in Ann Arbor such as Domino's Pizza, Border Book's Store, Urban Outfitters, and other myriad small businesses and regional chains.

In addition to this, many University of Michigan alumni have made their ideas a reality. Bill Davidson, an alumnus, took advantage of all the opportunities in Detroit. He became the owner many sports teamsïThe Detroit Pistons, Detroit Shocks, Detroit Vipers, and Detroit Fury. He was also the president of Guardian Industries. Tom Monaghan, a graduate of University of Michigan, persevered through much adversity through his life to made Domino's Pizza a powerful business. Even Larry Page, the co-founder of Google, went to University of Michigan.

The University of Michigan Ann Arbor is where I can make my dreams a reality. Ann Arbor is city of novelty which proliferates economics ideas and inspires businessmen generation after generation. This city and university will shape me into a greater person than I can ever hope to be. This is the place where my thoughts will multiply, my mind will surpass all limits, and my consciousness will reach every direction. So please, help me take my first step to success.
abbieflis 2 / 4  
Oct 7, 2012   #2
Hmm. I like it!! I don't know how I feel about the Ann Arbor "shout out" or the alumni. I think if you talked more about your experiences and what the school would do for you, that would be cool. But hey, I'm in the same spot as you! read mine?
OP SpicyCurryMan 2 / 9  
Oct 12, 2012   #3
anything else though? I really need some help man.
cooldudebill 1 / 4  
Oct 17, 2012   #4
Hi SpicyCurryMan. Personally I think its a great essay, you make your points clearly, and you have a good line of thought. Though I think the essay is more asking you about the academic pursuits as by asking "How would that curriculum support your interests? " so paragraph 3 and 4 might seem superfluous, so i recommend you elaborate on some specific academic achivements and how they convinced you to make this decision:)

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