Reading has always been a favorite pastime of mine. - Common App

Hello everyone! I'm new around here. I'm still in the process of choosing my colleges but I wish to use this essay as my common application essay (topic of our choice) as well as the admission essay for Columbia College.

Please comment and I appreciate any advice for improvements. :) I'm still not use about the opening line and the last line.

Reading has always been a favorite pastime of mine. In my home country, technology advances slower compared to other countries. As a result, computers and such weren't very abundant when I was young. Reading was the only way I could spend my time as well as gain knowledge.

My grandmother was a history professor and she forced me to read books every day. At first, I read merely so that she would stop scolding me. But as time passed, the number of books I read increased as well as my interest in reading. Soon enough, I would read books whenever I had spare time. Hence, my interest in books started.

In the current information age, technology is replacing most things; people, books, letters and such. In the past, every household had at least one book; whether it be a small pocket dictionary, a magazine or comic. Like most things, however, books are also being replaced by technology. Dictionaries and encyclopedias are also found on CD-ROMs instead of books. Before, newsletters used to flood our mailboxes but now, they flood our inboxes instead. Novels and other literature are also available as e-books, which take less space in the house.

And so it seems that books are not as popular as they once used to be. I, on the other hand, love books. I love the scent of the new paper, the feel of the pages, the color of the hardcover and the spine. The small print words cover page after page and I like to take pleasure in reading them, making sense of what the author is trying to say.

E-books may contain the same content as the real books but the feel of holding a book in one's hand and reading it on a rainy day just can't be compared to anything. You can't get the same feeling from reading an e-book on your computer screen obviously.

I fear that books will no longer be published. It hasn't happened yet, but there's always the chance that it might. And because I am an avid reader, I wish to pursue a career that has something to do with books. And what better way than to become an editor? Helping authors perfect their stories while making books more enjoyable for readers. And that is why I would like to study at your institution and pursue my dream of becoming an editor in the publishing business.

So what do you think? This is just the first draft so Im sure there's lots of room for improvement.

-raven.

This is a great first draft. However, I think you will need to work a little more on the organization of the essay as well as the content.

When you talk about home country, mention its name.

Also, until the very end of the essay it does not become clear that you want to be an editor and it does feel like it comes out of nowhere. There is no direct connection between reading books and editing. Make this transition smoother. Start the introduction with mentioning, in some way or another, your passion in editing and then proceed with why this is it--because you have always enjoyed reading. As a reader, I would want to know more why editing exactly? Was it because while you would read a book and this would make you want to talk to the author about it and ask millions of question about why this and that are written exactly this way? Was it because you would come up with a better way to develop that story? Did you enjoy composition classes in school? There is a lot more to editing than just reading and I, as a reader, would want to see that in your text so I can be convinced this is really the career for you.

I like very much your ideas of opposing technology to traditional books. Yet, technology is the future, are there any ways they can connect through editing? Keep working on it. I can see you are into something very good.

What I gather from this essay is
-you like books.
-you don't like how tech is replacing books.
-you want to become an editor to save books.

1) I don't know why you like books besides the fact that they smell nice and are multicolored.
2) You present tech in a positive light when you really want to show that it is not as good as books.
3) Why an editor? How does that save books from being taken over? If it does not then why do you talk about how you fear books from being converted to tech?

your essay needs to be stronger in ways that only you can fix.
you need to talk more than about just reading.

i really hope you dont take this the wrong way, but this is waht it seems like your writing:

i like to read. I have been reading since i was little. This is why i enjoy it so much. BUT since technology is taking over everything--like kindle--i get sad.

since you read a lot, and are exposed to so many different writing styles i know you can do better. get more creative with your sentences. MORE COMPLEX and use better syntax and stuff.

good luck!

That you like reading is admirable. Now, what qualities has your love of reading cultivated in you? How will these make you a good student at university and allow you to contribute to whichever one you end up attending? You need to use the essay to sell yourself more aggressively than you currently do.

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I'l try and think of better sentences and post the new draft when I'm done.

Should I take out the part about books disappearing and stuff? I mean, you guys are right. Just becoming an editor can't save books that way.

No, I think you should keep the part about books disappearing. It's a good point and kind of gives your love for books a 'greater meaning.'

Here's the new draft. I'm more used to story writing so I used that kind of approach. And I tried to follow of all your suggestions. I still have some difficulty with the ending though. And I'm still not sure how to sell myself more according to Sean. Any ideas?

I hope this one is better. At least it's better than the first one, which I wrote in less than 30 minutes. XD
...

Is it too long? What do you guys think? Suggestions and consturctive criticism is appreciated. :)

This makes it sound like you want to become an editor bacause you believe you failed as a writer.


This is general, especially the first sentence.I am not sure what you are trying to say. Make it specific, what kind of books do you mean by "diverse," what are the "different" ways or approaches to writing that you utilized?

For the "selling yourself ideas" you can be more specific about what is editing for you as opposed to reading and writing.Do you have any feedback on your editing skills from that teacher or friends? May be you could mention the easiness of seeing the flaws in other people's writing. When describing the future without books try to create a vivid image of how you imagine such world and what an editor can do to positively affect and keep the balance in such reality.

Research what editors do, what has such a career to offer nowadays. What makes it attractive and meaningful for you?

These are only suggestions.

I love the intro "hook", the description pulls you in. and you made the topic more unique than just "i love reading blah blah blah..." :)

A soft sigh escaped my lips as I closed the hardcover book on my lap. I had finished reading yet another book and as usual, my head was filled with millions of questions (this is better combined). Why did the author end the story like that? Why did the my favorite character apprear only at the climax of the story? Why didn't the book end differently? (im not too excited about using etc. in a formal essay. dont do it) There were parts which I wanted to alter while others I admired.(I think you should play up this alter part!! u wanna be an editor right? i mean not too much, but a little foreshadow ;D) The words just seemed to flow and connect with each other, captivating me. (this last sentence doesnt really connect with the previous. consider rewriting)

The questions appearing in my mind were habitual, and continued into my school reading. (or somehting like this. you have to transition. if you dont, it just seems wrong to go from habitual to ur english teacher) My previous English teacher, who taught me composition, had told me to read books (OK and?). Afterwards, she would make me think of parts of the plot where I was unsatisfied or questions that I would want to ask the author. Then, she would (dont use contractions. this is what the forum members said to do in a formal essay lol) tell me to write a short summary.

consider, after you say short summary, a paragraph saying something like, "but these assignments my teacher left me with soon had me more interested in the why? more than the reading. ( yea thats cheesy, but SOMETHING like htat). I actually started to enjoy conjuring? up questions i wanted to ask the author, or critiquing the book. I soon became interested in becoming an editor..." then tell if you joined the school news paper or something.

JUST AN IDEA :D

I possessed a love for both reading and writing after I had met her, but thinking this way also made me want to read and write more. I sought to read diverse (<-- wrong word!) books and learn different ways of writing. After reading them, I would write essays and show them to her. An 'A' would make me content while any grade lower would make me want to try harder.

Soon enough, I started writing short stories on the internet. In addition to writing, I would also help other online writers with their writing. It was then that I realized I was more interested in helping others write than writing myself. I noticed that I was always dissatisfied with some part of my writing, but found pleasure in helping others . It pleased me that I could make a story flow better or correct any mistakes they had not noticed. Editing had become my newest and most precious passion. (<-- trite phrase "__ is my passion)

(okay, you can not just transtion from editing to this, you HAVE to somehow bridge this. as of now, its like you say books,editing than technology/books. thats not gonna work. you can talk about technology, but find a better transition) In this current information age, most things are being replaced by technology. Books are also facing the same threat because of the internet, e-books, etc. As an avid reader, I fear that they will no longer be published. There's not much I can do to prevent it. I could never become a writer with my displeasure of my own writing. Since I enjoy editing, however, I plan to become an editor and help authors perfect their writings while making books more enjoyable for readers so that people will still buy books. <-- okay, this isnt going to help. at all. when you think about it, technology is still improving and just b.c. their writing improves, technology is going to go on. like i said b4, kindle is still going to happen but their writing is going to be on a computer like thing. i know this isnt ur point, but kindle is still a type of technology. your idea of books being "extinct" (i know hyperbole) is a little bit over the top. i dont think books are EVER going to be out of style.

By attending your university (just write the name out :D), I intend to further my skills in reading, writing and most importantly, editing. This will enable me to pursue my dream of becoming an editor while also letting me believe that I'm at least doing something to prevent books from getting replaced.

i think you can just not use the idea of technology replacing books. i just dont think its possible. i really dont. i mean if you wanted to get more ple to read, and you were going to the school to be a writer, hoping to write good storys that ple will read, than thats something,

but your thing, to be an editor, to stop books from being gone forever, its not rly strong.

good luck though! this is better than the 1st one! :D

^I agree. Your paragraph about tech now comes up randomly. I don't think that books are disappearing quickly anyway. I would like a more focused example of how your love for editing came about.


Broad.

PS. Your posts are very amusing Talia haha...with all the faces and stuff.

^^ pshhh this is nada. u should see the way i IM ;)
lol

raven, is this starting to make sense though? or are we helping u more importantly? lol

Let me jump in with a few general comments. I like both versions and would like to see you bring back some of the details -- such as your grandmother the history professor -- from the first version. I'd also like even more details about the sorts of books you like. These could help you to explain why you feel books, which indeed are repositories of ideas and images not on the internet (believe it or not), which convey ideas and information in ways perhaps not well suited to the internet, and which do not require the persistence of the electrical grid or satellite communications ought to be saved.

Next, know that you will find supporters for that position in academia. It's good that you did not remove that element from the essay, as there are lots of book lovers who will look kindly on a young person who has not been so seduced by the internet that s/he does not realize what will be gone if books go.