Prompt #2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
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Dear Journal,
Today is the day for I, ___, will enter an entirely new high school from the previous year! Books in my bag and schedule in my hand, I step out of the Winter Park's school bus onto the grassy green field in a hot summer day along with a brand new identity.
I repeatedly told myself that I was ready for a fresh start, and, without a slight bit of hesitation, I quickly glanced at the school's mirror. Dark jeans and white V-neck. Check! New shoes. Check! A smile with confidence. Not so much. Unfortunately, that was the real me; a shell without any guts.
As I walked around the campus, there were many jovial students advertising for their clubs. One specific student seemed to take an interest in me as he persistently tried to make me join the Hip-Hop club. Like a curious baby, I humbly took his offer and from that point on my life was forever changed.
Not long after I joined the club, several of my friends and I formed our own dance crew, which later known as "Statix." Afterwards, my crew signed up for a big local competition that will take place in a few weeks. Even though it seemed that my friends were having fun while practicing the routine, I became terrified. Each day closer to the performance meant another day of countless nightmares and anxiety attacks. When the day of the competition finally came, I became restless and afraid. As a result, I made numerous stupid mistakes that ultimately cost the crew the battle.
My failure in this competition allowed me to persevere. My next chance was the school talent show, and I was determined to do well. I spent countless hours after school practicing and researching in order to polish my dance moves for the routine.
Finally, on the day of our performance, my crew slowly step out to the front of the stage while thousands of eyes constantly watching us. My heart started to beat faster and faster to the point that I wanted to run away. However, the flashbulb memory of my previous competition, and my blood and sweat over the past few weeks allowed me to settle down. When the music kicked in, I cleared my mind and cut out any thoughts about losing or making mistakes, and I simply danced to the beat and had fun while I was at it. After it was over, roaring of cheers and claps spread across the auditorium. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. In the end, we won the gold medal despite the tight competitions in the show.
Not everyone in this world is blessed with a talent; I certainly did not regard myself as one of those fortunately gifted individuals. However, thanks to my time with the Hip-Hop club, I discovered that perseverance enabled me to overcome my inhibitions and achieve success that I once believe impossible as long as I put my heart and soul into it. With perseverance, I will be ready to soar above my limits whether it is sports, grades, or colleges.
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I'm hoping to get some feedback and suggestions on how to improve my essay.
Thank you!!!
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Journal,
Today is the day for I, ___, will enter an entirely new high school from the previous year! Books in my bag and schedule in my hand, I step out of the Winter Park's school bus onto the grassy green field in a hot summer day along with a brand new identity.
I repeatedly told myself that I was ready for a fresh start, and, without a slight bit of hesitation, I quickly glanced at the school's mirror. Dark jeans and white V-neck. Check! New shoes. Check! A smile with confidence. Not so much. Unfortunately, that was the real me; a shell without any guts.
As I walked around the campus, there were many jovial students advertising for their clubs. One specific student seemed to take an interest in me as he persistently tried to make me join the Hip-Hop club. Like a curious baby, I humbly took his offer and from that point on my life was forever changed.
Not long after I joined the club, several of my friends and I formed our own dance crew, which later known as "Statix." Afterwards, my crew signed up for a big local competition that will take place in a few weeks. Even though it seemed that my friends were having fun while practicing the routine, I became terrified. Each day closer to the performance meant another day of countless nightmares and anxiety attacks. When the day of the competition finally came, I became restless and afraid. As a result, I made numerous stupid mistakes that ultimately cost the crew the battle.
My failure in this competition allowed me to persevere. My next chance was the school talent show, and I was determined to do well. I spent countless hours after school practicing and researching in order to polish my dance moves for the routine.
Finally, on the day of our performance, my crew slowly step out to the front of the stage while thousands of eyes constantly watching us. My heart started to beat faster and faster to the point that I wanted to run away. However, the flashbulb memory of my previous competition, and my blood and sweat over the past few weeks allowed me to settle down. When the music kicked in, I cleared my mind and cut out any thoughts about losing or making mistakes, and I simply danced to the beat and had fun while I was at it. After it was over, roaring of cheers and claps spread across the auditorium. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. In the end, we won the gold medal despite the tight competitions in the show.
Not everyone in this world is blessed with a talent; I certainly did not regard myself as one of those fortunately gifted individuals. However, thanks to my time with the Hip-Hop club, I discovered that perseverance enabled me to overcome my inhibitions and achieve success that I once believe impossible as long as I put my heart and soul into it. With perseverance, I will be ready to soar above my limits whether it is sports, grades, or colleges.
---------------------------------------------
I'm hoping to get some feedback and suggestions on how to improve my essay.
Thank you!!!
