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Realizing what I am doing



paw1168 3 / 7  
Dec 29, 2011   #1
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

During my freshman year, the administrative staff encouraged us to join clubs that we were interested in. At first I thought that I should join as many as possible, but I realized that it would be outrageous and too time consuming. I was always interested in Red Cross but I always thought of it as a very medical oriented organization so I was hesitant. In the beginning of my sophomore year, I decided to join Red Cross along with my friends and learned that it's not about medicine but the idea of helping those in need, which is something that is very dear to me since I was little. One of the most memorable events was going to a food bank. There were lots of groups from different high schools and even some local colleges; all being educated on the source of the food in there and where the food would go after. My group was assigned to sort the produce. I thought we would have a few boxes but then I saw pallets full of plums and carrots. All this produce was donated by supermarkets because it wasn't fresh enough but there was nothing wrong. There were a few bad ones here and there but overall it looked the same as what one would find at the market. After walking out of there a few hours later, I felt horrible; I never realized how much people lacked especially in daily necessities. Red Cross has really helped me become more aware of my actions and think about how what I do today will affect someone later.

teoth5 2 / 4  
Dec 29, 2011   #2
It might be worth it to eliminate the first two sentences because they don't add anything to the essay. Also try to start fewer sentences or phrases with "I" because that becomes quite repetitive. Finally, the last sentence could be more straightforward if it read, "Working with the Red Cross has not only helped me realize the things I take for granted but also ways in which I can give back to my community." (or something like that)
jebhogiaye 6 / 14  
Dec 29, 2011   #3
I was always interested in the Red Cross but I always thought of it as a very medical medically oriented

which is something that ishas been very dear to me since I was little.

This an effective essay.
deremifri 9 / 135  
Dec 29, 2011   #4
I agree with the first two posters.
You should make clear why you decided to join red cross
and the revelation in the end more treaceble


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