My reason for choosing the data science and CFM majors at Waterloo University

Reasons for choosing your program and Waterloo

Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo. If you have applied to more than one program please discuss your interest in each program. (900 character limit)

(My program is mathematics and Computing/Financial management)

My reason for choosing the data science and CFM majors is because I am passionate for problem-solving and analyzing in mathematics, finance, and programming, which eventually inspired me to become a financial data scientist. Waterloo is known for the high reputation in mathematics and computer science degrees, and data science is the combination of the two top degrees in Waterloo. Through the exceptional resources and professors, I can develop the necessary knowledge for me to solve the most advanced data analyzing and algorithms. Furthermore, the unique integration of computer science and financial management of CFM is exactly the program I look forward to and prepare me for the ever-expanding financial technology industry. At waterloo, I get to develop knowledge in both degrees through my undergraduate years and the mandatory co-op can help me gain practical knowledge to familiarize myself with the industry. Through Waterloo's exceptional co-op programs and talent in the concentration of mathematics, I believe that Waterloo would be the best university to prepare me to become an outstanding financial data scientist.

Please give any feedback on parts I could fix on

Try to open the statement with the factual presentation that you were attracted to the Waterloo curriculum and courses because you feel that it will help you become a well educated and trained Financial Data Analyst. The first sentence you are using doesn't really create an interesting opening sentence. It does not ask the reviewer to continue reading what you have to say. However, if you open with the expected end result of your studies, then explain why that will be end result once you complete a degree at Waterloo, the reviewer will be interested to find out why you believe that is so. You can use the following for your revised version:

Completing my studies under the CFM major will help me prepare to become a well versed Financial Data Scientist. At the University of Waterloo, I know that the co-op program, in relation ....

I guess you could use that for starters or as the basis of a revised opening discussion for your statement.