5 reasons you want to go to tech - Virginia Tech

~No more than 250 words.

I really need to cut down because I have 297 words. Please help!

I've been a hokie since I was a little boy. Both my sisters attended allowing me to grow up with the school. I would visit them frequently and each time I would be shrouded with their hokie pride. I can remember strolling around the campus, through the dorms, and meeting my sister's friends. Through this I became acquainted with another of Tech's attributes, the diversity of its student-body. Diversity among students is a very important and attractive attribute of going college because it improves the learning environment exponentially because one not only learns from the courses, but also from the people one associates with.

After they graduated I recognized how important Tech still was to them. I realized then that if they had gotten this out of VT then there was no reason I couldn't fall in love just like they had, and in turn create my own legacy there. So, when application time rolled around I quickly researched Tech to see what else it could offer. I learned it has one of the best science departments in the nation and is a leader in research. I want to attend because I intend to be guided by Tech's superior faculty in doing my own research.

Lastly, I already have an over-abundance of Tech paraphernalia from socks (the only socks I trust to keep me warm in the winter) to my hokie hat which would allow me to fit right in and save me tons of cash.

Once a hokie, always a hokie.

It would also be great if you could tell me what my points are just to make sure they are easily understandable.

Thanks in advance.

Hmmm...interesting points. I like what you are trying to say.

I noticed some areas that I think you could revise, because I think they may be unneccessary and you may be able to cut down on your word count a bit.

Both my sisters attended and that has strongly impacted my decision to apply at Tech because I grew up with the school.
^ This is a little wordy. I think you could revise it to make it a stronger point that you grew up with the school. Maybe move the socks and hat comment to here.

I was impressed by the sense of community that existed throughout the school and among all the pupils
^ You may be able to delete this sentence to help with word count...its cliche

By meeting their friends I became acquainted with another of Tech's attributes, the diversity of its student-body.
^Instead of saying by meeting their friends (repetitive) you could say "through this,..."

Diversity is among students is a very important and attractive attribute of going college because it improves the learning environment exponentially because one not only learns from the courses, but also from the people one associates with.

^You don't need this sentence. I would rewrite it with why diversity is important to you, versus why diversity is an attractive attribute of going to college, I dont know if that makes sense.

So, when the time came where I would be starting my foray into higher education I quickly researched Tech to see what else it could offer.

^ Foray isn't the right word...it sounds a little too stuffy. You could probably cut the word count down on this and the sentence before it also.

I love how you ended with once a hokie, always a hokie. It really shows your dedication to the school.

I hope this helped!
Good Luck!

Thank you so much! I'm down to 252 words and I still have to revise the "Diversity" sentence. Stamp. :)

Much better (:

Would you please read over my forum?
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