My reasons for transfering to WM

I'm having a hard time with flow and what I should or shouldn't add. Also is this long enough? Does it address the objectives I hope to achive? Thanks for all the help.

Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

Nine years ago I made a decision that changed my life completely. At the young age of 18 I married my husband. At the time I was in college pursing a degree in the medical field. I have always had a passion for helping people. Looking back I had no idea where my life was about to take me. Shortly after getting married we found out that we were expecting our first child. From that moment I knew that I wanted to be a stay at home mother and dedicate my life to my children. I put college on hold and then eventually started taking classes online so that I could still devote my time to my children and continue my education.

I continued taking one class at a time until last year when my youngest stared school fulltime. I started back to school full time to pursue a degree in biology education. I love science and teaching and hope to instill a love of learning in my future students. After having two of my own children and volunteering in their schools I discovered my passion for teaching and making an impact on the lives of children. My passion for helping people turned into a passion for helping children.

I want to transfer to William and Mary because I believe I will be challenged. My senior year in high school I took all my classes through Pierce college because I wanted to challenge myself. I am looking for a university that will challenge me beyond my limits. I want to study at a university that will give me the best tools for my future. I want to go to a place where learning does not stop at the classroom but it continues beyond its walls. I believe William and Mary not only provides the academic strength I am looking for but it also provides a student body as passionate about making a difference in the community as myself.

I believe today's employers are looking for someone who has a very well-rounded skill set. They want people who communicate effectively, can work at a high level both while working alone and as a team player, people who have a general knowledge base in many different areas, and who can analyze and problem solve effectively. These, and many other skills, are found at the very foundation of a liberal arts education. At William and Mary I know that I will get a well rounded education. By the encouragement of studying many different areas, I know I would be opening myself up to a whole world that I may not have previously understood or even realized was there. I am excited for the possibilities that lie ahead of me at William and Mary.

The content is pretty good. Your writing style could use some tightening, though. Get rid of all the "I believe"s (we know you believe it, otherwise you wouldn't be writing it, we presume) and avoid overusing the same word, such as "challenge," too many times in close succession. For instance:

Before: "I want to transfer to William and Mary because I believe I will be challenged. My senior year in high school I took all my classes through Pierce college because I wanted to challenge myself. I am looking for a university that will challenge me beyond my limits. I want to study at a university that will give me the best tools for my future. I want to go to a place where learning does not stop at the classroom but it continues beyond its walls. I believe William and Mary not only provides the academic strength I am looking for but it also provides a student body as passionate about making a difference in the community as myself."

After: "William and Mary will challenge me both to improve myself academically and to become more involved in the local community."

I'm pretty sure that one sentence says virtually everything you said in the entire paragraph. It omits the Pierce College reference, but that's about it.