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"to receive a doctorate in The Classics" - A person who has had an influence on you



skinsfan123 1 / -  
Nov 21, 2010   #1
I jumped off the bus, bursting with excitement. It was the last day of sixth grade after all, and I looked around for my grandfather who always flies up to Virginia during the last week of school. Then, suddenly, I saw him with his giant smile, wading through the crowd of elementary school graduates. My mother's side of the family is full of incredibly bright people, from my grandmother who received a PhD in Romance Languages at Duke to my great-great grandfather, the American poet Robert Frost. My grandfather, however, has had the largest influence on me throughout my life due to his incredible accomplishments. His life story is what has significantly impacted my view of what I can achieve.

At the end of each school year, my grandfather, or "granddaddy" as we call him, flies up from his home in Texas each year for Christmas. One of my favorite Christmases was when I was fourteen, and he told my brothers and me the story of when he was our age. He was born in Slovenia in 1930 and by the time he was in his teens, World War two was in full swing. When the Nazis invaded Yugoslavia, they took people's homes and imprisoned anyone they believed was a threat. One day he came home to find German soldiers who had come to take his parents away. His mother, father, and two uncles were put in a local jail, where they were held for four years. Every couple days during that time, my grandfather would go the jail and look for the window where they were being held and wait for his mother to wave her handkerchief to acknowledge him. He joined part of a small resistance movement where he had to move guns through his town. Here I was living in total comfort worrying about what I wanted for Christmas listening to someone who was moving guns around at my age. But the most incredible part of his story was his academic life. He went to college in Ljubljana, Slovenia and earned a degree in Italian Language and Literature. Then, after traveling to America and having nothing, he earned a Masters Degree in French and Spanish from the University Of Miami, and a Ph. D. in Romance Languages and Literatures from Duke University. At the University of Texas, since 1962, he has been an esteemed professor of Spanish Literature. What inspires me the most about his story is how important going to college was for him especially after all that happened during the war.

When I look at everything that he has achieved and is still achieving, it causes me to realize that with all of the advantages that American students have, college should be only the first step in a long career in academic success. His life has had such an impact on me that it has even influenced my choice major. My goal is to receive a doctorate in The Classics. After I achieve my undergraduate goal, my long-term goal is to study law and attend law school.

Essaychecker11 - / 9  
Nov 22, 2010   #2
Hello,

I didn't get much from this essay. Basically all you talk about is all the people in your family who went to college. You should try to be more direct as to why he was such a great influence on you. Talk about how his exploration of romance languages evoked a passion in your somehow. This will appeal more to admissions officers and will strengthen your cause for wanting to study a particular subject.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 29, 2010   #3
Every couple days during that time, my grandfather would go to the jail and look for....someone who was moving guns around at my age. (Right here, I think you should end the first paragraph, but before you do, add a sentence that expresses the main theme of the essay. What is the message that this essay is supposed to leave with the reader? Express it in a single sentence at the end of the first paragraph).

Paragraph 2:
But the most incredible part of his ...

...be only the first step in a long career of in academic success.

After I achieve my undergraduate goal, my long-term goal is to study law and attend law school.----You need to add another sentence or two, because it ends abruptly here. Studying law is not a complete goal in and of itself... it has to be a means to an end... what are some of the goals you could achieve with a law degree to make your life meaningful and fulfilling?

:-) great job!!


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