I was wondering if you guys could give me some feedback on my common app essay! I answered question 4. I feel as if I ran off in a tangent. And advice and suggestions would be greatly appreciated! I am horrible in grammar also, so please point out any errors!
P.S I understand I should try to avoid adding to much information, but I wanted to mention the homeless thing because It caused me to change schools in the middle of senior year.
PROMPT:
Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?
ESSAY:
Until recently I have never discussed my reasons or motivations for my attendance at my local gym. People have often assumed that it's sport, health, or worst self confidence related to my persistence in it. But with recent events, I have demonstrated that it more than this and the discussion in particular fruitful
This past May, I was questioned by my fitness instructor in front of my gym mates as to my intentions of joining a Cardio program. My response got me a discern look by fellow gym mates. My apparent response to such question, " because I love to workout" was distasteful, that putting my body through this physical torture could not equate to such a response. I sat back down and reminded myself that I was once in their position. Although I could lift more weights, run faster then them and was possibly in the best shape of my life, this program got particularly high reviews and I didn't mind shedding some of the belly fat
The program was set to run for 4 weeks, and the gym was convenient to my location and dilemma. At the time, I was homeless staying at my aunt while my parents continued to live in New Hampshire. Alongside dealing with a whirlwind of problems ranging from family and friends issues to my academics. The gym was my sanctuary, a place where my issues stayed outside the door for the next 2 hours. A place where everything was fair. A place where I was surrounded by like minded people.
I didn't not understand how meaningful such a place was to me until I was undoubtedly relying on it to get through the week. When I look at it now, it seems that with every push life gives me I would push twice as hard in the gym. And because of this I often say that the gym has built me more mentally rather physically. Along with being my safe haven, the gym became one my greatest teachers. It taught me courage, to admit that I was significantly weaker than those around me, and showed me what persistence and determination can accomplish. It has taught me that hard work does ultimately pay off. More importantly though, It has taught me that self confidence is not found in the weights but drawn from within.
Ronnie Coleman once said to envision your self obtaining your goal while your at the gym. I soon, however, found my self envisioning obtaining more than just my gym goals. Since English was not my first language, I often found difficultly in it. For this I lacked the spirit to improve and challenge to overcome what my classmates could accomplish with ease. Without a push I found myself stuck with a mediocre style english with little room to express myself. As I began to to challenge myself in the gym, I challenged this as well. I soon found myself tested out of the ESL program, and later to take an AP english class. I began envisioning myself being the first person in my family to go to college, and began to prompt myself for that day. I began eating healthy, to improve and live a healthy lifestyle. I began to speak out against bullying and fight for social equality, because i too was once considered inferior. Along with this, I found the courage to make difficult decisions, that I once thought were impossible.
People often fail to recognize the potential in something due to its difficulty or complexity. I am glad, although I did not originally recognize it, that I was able to see the potential in growth from the gym. Working out will only and always be what you make out to be, and for me it was a lot more than another mundane health obligation.
P.S I understand I should try to avoid adding to much information, but I wanted to mention the homeless thing because It caused me to change schools in the middle of senior year.
PROMPT:
Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?
ESSAY:
Until recently I have never discussed my reasons or motivations for my attendance at my local gym. People have often assumed that it's sport, health, or worst self confidence related to my persistence in it. But with recent events, I have demonstrated that it more than this and the discussion in particular fruitful
This past May, I was questioned by my fitness instructor in front of my gym mates as to my intentions of joining a Cardio program. My response got me a discern look by fellow gym mates. My apparent response to such question, " because I love to workout" was distasteful, that putting my body through this physical torture could not equate to such a response. I sat back down and reminded myself that I was once in their position. Although I could lift more weights, run faster then them and was possibly in the best shape of my life, this program got particularly high reviews and I didn't mind shedding some of the belly fat
The program was set to run for 4 weeks, and the gym was convenient to my location and dilemma. At the time, I was homeless staying at my aunt while my parents continued to live in New Hampshire. Alongside dealing with a whirlwind of problems ranging from family and friends issues to my academics. The gym was my sanctuary, a place where my issues stayed outside the door for the next 2 hours. A place where everything was fair. A place where I was surrounded by like minded people.
I didn't not understand how meaningful such a place was to me until I was undoubtedly relying on it to get through the week. When I look at it now, it seems that with every push life gives me I would push twice as hard in the gym. And because of this I often say that the gym has built me more mentally rather physically. Along with being my safe haven, the gym became one my greatest teachers. It taught me courage, to admit that I was significantly weaker than those around me, and showed me what persistence and determination can accomplish. It has taught me that hard work does ultimately pay off. More importantly though, It has taught me that self confidence is not found in the weights but drawn from within.
Ronnie Coleman once said to envision your self obtaining your goal while your at the gym. I soon, however, found my self envisioning obtaining more than just my gym goals. Since English was not my first language, I often found difficultly in it. For this I lacked the spirit to improve and challenge to overcome what my classmates could accomplish with ease. Without a push I found myself stuck with a mediocre style english with little room to express myself. As I began to to challenge myself in the gym, I challenged this as well. I soon found myself tested out of the ESL program, and later to take an AP english class. I began envisioning myself being the first person in my family to go to college, and began to prompt myself for that day. I began eating healthy, to improve and live a healthy lifestyle. I began to speak out against bullying and fight for social equality, because i too was once considered inferior. Along with this, I found the courage to make difficult decisions, that I once thought were impossible.
People often fail to recognize the potential in something due to its difficulty or complexity. I am glad, although I did not originally recognize it, that I was able to see the potential in growth from the gym. Working out will only and always be what you make out to be, and for me it was a lot more than another mundane health obligation.