My relationship with UW Madison started when joined College for Kids in 5th grade; College Admission

Some parts are really iffy and the wording is off, it's not my final essay but I just need advice to know if I'm going in the right direction

PROMPT:
Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In addition, share with us the academic, extracurricular, or research opportunities you would take advantage of as a student. If applicable, provide details of any circumstance that could have had an impact on your academic performance and/or extracurricular involvement.

My relationship with UW Madison started when joining College for Kids in 5th grade. From then on I've attended numerous other UW sponsored programs, each one of them making me compelled to become a future Badger. One of these programs, WCATY, led me to experience life as a UW student. I got the opportunity to stay at one of the dorms for three weeks experiencing campus life and take classes at the UW with the best education the UW could offer. There I began to dream of hopefully being an attendee of the University. Along with this, my brother graduated from UW. My college dream finally solidified when he took me along on Badger games and to some of his classes, which drove my interest even further.

Along with my long relationship with the UW Madison, it is becoming a master at creating a niche for every student. In highschool, I've had own leadership positions involving these issues, and I'd like to continue my work through student organizations provided by the UW such as Nepali Student Association and South Asian Sisters. This set up does not confine students by forcing them to work with only those individuals who follow their own specific expertise. Instead, it is the smooth interaction between facilities that allows each department, from the arts to programming, to create a learning facility that reflects the real world. Coming from a place where there is tolerance between different race, religion and political views, UW Madison provides the setting I desire to be educated in. Having the intellectual passion to absorb every ounce of knowledge presented through the AP classes I have taken, I know that I can contribute to the UW as it continues to cultivate an intellectual climate that encourages scholarly curiosity and will be the perfect fit for me academically.

University of Wisconsin-Madison excels at convincing students to achieve great success as they transition into their new surroundings. With numerous programs ranked as one of the best in the nation, Wisconsin never fails to help bring motivation and success to many of its students and alumni.

I would not mention that you took AP classes as way to obtain knowledge because they already know that and frankly it makes you seem a little stuck up. I did like how you connected your extracurricular activities in high school to how you would like to continue them in college,

I think you should keep the AP classes because then they'll know that you went out of your way to obtain knowledge. You worked hard for them so show them off

My relationship with UW Madison started when joiningI joined the College for Kids in 5th grade.
... each one of them making me compelledcompelling to become a future Badger.
... experiencing campus life and takeing classes at the UW ...
There I began to dream of hopefully being an attendee of the University. Along with thisrephrase, my brother graduated from UW.

Along with my long relationship with the UW Madison, it is becoming a master at creating a niche for every student. Do'nt understand what you are trying to say

In high school, I've had own leadership positions involving these issues...

Instead, it is the smooth interaction between facilities that allows each department, from the arts to programming, to create a learning facility that reflects the real world. Coming from a place where there is tolerance between different race, religion and political views. doesn't sound personal enough

UW Madison provides the setting I desire to be educated in .

University of Wisconsin-Madison excels at convincing students to achieve great success as they transition into their new surroundings. With numerous programs ranked as one of the best in the nation, Wisconsin never fails to help bring motivation and success to many of its students and alumni.impersonal

Here's my suggestion: Look up a specific club that you might want to join and write a little about it because then they'll know that you really care about their university and you have done some research. Just add I want to join _______ club because... I feel like that will really make your essay a little different.

I have revised my essay so do you mind taking a one last look at it? Thank You.