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a 'renaissance woman' - QUALITIES ABOUT MYSELF

iSasha 8 / 11 2  
Dec 7, 2015   #1
I have never written an essay to explain my qualities and I have read all over the internet that you have to 'brag' about yourself but not to an extent, but the thing is I do not know what is too much. I wrote two different essays, each portraying different qualities about myself. I need to know which one is a better response for the essay question. They're also both a little over the max. word count

What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the --- community?

My father often calls me a 'renaissance woman,' a term used to describe a person who possesses a profound knowledge in several fields, rather than an unfocused and broad interest in a few subjects. Through participating in various activities such as soccer, student government, and book clubs, I have come to appreciate many diverse interests that help me shape myself into a cultivated woman.

Because of this, I now acknowledge the allure of belly dancing, the strength that exists within mixed martial arts, the perseverance resulting from swimming, the patience derived from learning painting techniques, the ability to work to get what I want out of a ballet performance, along with other numerous skills. I enjoy developing new abilities, which is why I take pleasure in meeting new people because I feel as though I can continue to learn more skills from anyone who has to offer them.

For instance, I recently met a girl on a beach in Panama who had a passion for surfing, something I have always dreamed of knowing how to do. I expressed my interest to her and she gladly agreed to teach me how to surf the following day, and now because of her I have a profound respect for the focused and consistent ability surfers have to possess in order to catch a wave.

The idea of attending UCF excites me because it contains such a diverse campus that will permit me to radiate my appreciation and curiosity for new skills that will allow more students to become engaged with various aspects that UCF has to offer.

An individual's ambition is an extremely particular choice. Every individual has the possibility to realize extraordinary things, and what is generally vital is that they put their heart and mind into the enterprise. Growing up, most kids did not know immediately what they wanted to do with their life, but I did; I always knew I was to be a storyteller when I grew up.

At first I thought it would be my dream to do something like that as a job, but as I became older I realized it was my goal to excel as a writer or filmmaker. As I started to learn more about the film industry, I began to realize that there are not many movies directed by Hispanic women, so I have made it my ultimate aim to someday become a recognized Hispanic female director, not only for myself but for other Hispanic women who dream of excelling in the film industry.

I have had the chance to gain some firsthand experience in the film profession when I volunteered for the Fort Lauderdale Film Festival. I was exposed to directors who have the same drive as I do, and saw fascinating pieces of art on the big screen that left me in awe of the abilities film can possess. I was able to meet extraordinary women directors who inspired me to never abandon my dream to be involved in the film industry.

I plan to live with intention, to continue to learn, to do what I love, and in the process inspire my peers around me to do the same.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Dec 7, 2015   #2
Sasha, after reading your essay, I must say that it's not bad at all for a newbie in writing essays.

In your essay, I didn't expect you to be using big words or words that are not use in everyday conversation
which is totally fine, however it would be great if you can amp up your words and make it a little bit more
formal than it is now, it just needs a little change in your word choice.

Now I'm also quiet puzzled with the last two paragraphs that you have, I believe switching them will be the best trick
to enhance this part of the essay and create that needed flow of the essay.

Lastly, the final sentence can be modified like below;

- I plan to live with intention, to continue to learning , to do what I love,
- and in the process inspire my peers around meothers to do the same.

There you have it Sasha, I hope my remarks on your essay helps.

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