Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?
Please, provide feedback on how to improve this essay and, if it matters much, trim it down from 301 to 250 words. Both grammatical and structure advices are more than welcome.
Having spent most of my childhood travelling all over the country, following my mother's job as a state engineer, I have always felt distant from the world and the people around me, thinking, "Soon we will move, and I will never meet them again, so how do they matter?" I would often prefer to spend my free time on reading instead of going outdoors with other children. Over the years, I have formed a habit of doing everything alone, without any help.
However, my way of thinking was changed by the event that provided a groundbreaking experience. It was after my family has settled down that I entered university undergraduate program. After initial testing me and several other prospective students were gathered to form a research team and assigned to professor Alekseev who taught information security in the same university.
"Don't like your research group? Feel free to change it, then," the professor answered to my complaints, closing our first team meeting. Later, when the final lists were out I found out that he had assigned me as coordinator to the same group. At first, the only thing we did was fight with each other all the time. The professor shrugged at my complaints: "Everything is in your hands." Thus, I decided to try to understand my teammates and approach them accordingly. And as I did that I discovered just how easy it was to set my group on the right track. Old grudges were quickly forgotten as we started working towards the common goal.
After the project was done, I thought back about it: what started as an annoyance ended up being a very enjoyable experience. Since then, more than once I was shown that positive attitude and an open mind are necessary for success no matter what you do.
My mother is a state engineer, so my childhood has been spent traveling the country. While allowing me to experience dozens of different societies, it has caused me to feel distant from the world and people around me. My entire childhood has been riddled with questions like, "If I will move soon anyways, how do any close connections matter?" I would often prefer to spend my free time on reading instead of going outdoors with other children. Over the years, I have formed a habit of doing everything alone, without any help.
However, my way of thinking was completely altered by a momentous(groundbreaking doesnt pertain to personal experiences) experience. It was after my family had settled down that I entered university undergraduate program. After initial testing, I and several other prospective students were gathered assigned to the university's information security professor, Alekseev, to form a research team.
Our first meeting ended in disaster. But to my complaints, the professor only shrugged and replied, "Don't like your research group? Feel free to change it, then." Later, when the final lists were out I found out that he had assigned me as coordinator to the same group. After I realized that everything was in my own hands, I decided to try to understand my teammates and approach them accordingly. I did this, I discovered just how easy it was to set my group on the right track. Old grudges were quickly forgotten as we started working towards the common goal.
After the project was done, I thought back about it: what started as an annoyance ended up being a very enjoyable experience. Since then, more than once I was shown that positive attitude and an open mind are necessary for success no matter what you do.
silentspring
If you only knew how many essays met the trash bin because of that blog entry...
nknatalee864
Thank you for the great revision!
I have one question, though. If you exclude the part with the fighting, wouldn't it make the reader wonder where those "old grudges" came from? I tried to base the 2nd half of 3rd paragraph on the contradiction between "what was before" and "what was after".
I would say maybe add in the fighting BEFORE you talk about you complaining to the professor. If its not in chronological order, it gets a bit confusing. Overall, I like your story tho! :)
"However, my way of thinking was changed by the event that provided a groundbreaking experience. It was after my family has settled down that I entered university undergraduate program. After initial testing me and several other prospective students were gathered to form a research team and assigned to professor Alekseev who taught information security in the same university."
Should be "several prospective students and I." You wouldn't say "me was gathered."
nknatalee864
There were two sets of complaints: the first one during the metting about "why do I have to work with THEM?!" (I was a bad person, I know) and the second about "noone listens to me please help!" The fighting was between the two, but I failed to distinguish them enough.
Would the following be ok, both sentence and paragraph wise? I've been told that the phrase about fighting is "too russian", but I can't think of a substitude that would preserve the general meaning and the emphasis.
Our first meeting ended in disaster. But to my complaints, the professor only shrugged and replied, "Don't like your research group? Feel free to change it, then." Later, when the final lists were out I found out that he had assigned me as coordinator to the same group. At first, the only thing we did was fight with each other all the time. However, after I realized that everything was in my own hands, I decided to try to understand my teammates and approach them accordingly. I did this, I discovered just how easy it was to set my group on the right track. Old grudges were quickly forgotten as we started working towards the common goal.
AbsoluteBliss
Thank you. I would like to change the first post according to the revisions, but I can't find the Edit button on it anymore.
