Prompt:
explain the significance of an issue to me, my family, my community or my generation
There was a time in my life when I believed asking for help meant I was a weak person. If I had a problem, I would have chosen to figure it out on my own even if help was offered. I was so resistant to help and advice back then; it was as if I desperately needed to prove to the world that I was fiercely independent and could survive on my own.
trials and tribulations kids...
I resorted to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain and did not stop coping in this fashion until I began to have harsh consequences four years later.--------This sounds like a case of blaming parents for one's mistakes. You will always have pain, but you have to stay focused on achieving your goals. This essay might strike the reader the wrong way, like you are making excuses and instead of just owning up to what you did you are transferring responsibility to your father.
---I finally acknowledged that my addiction had cost me so much.---- what did it cost you? In the previous paragraph you said you had consequences years later, but when I see this I still don't know what it cost you.
And what were you addicted to at such a young age? I am starting to wonder if it is necessary for you to tell all about your unwillingness to be reasonable back then, etc., because this is supposed to be about an issue of importance to you. This essay seems to include a lot of material that does not support the main idea.
What is your issue? Is it teenage drug abuse? Use your intro and conclusion to express clearly what the issue is. :-)
Hi Autumn!
Have you given any thought to how you are going to write your introduction and your conclusion? You have a essay body that will support your thesis, but it lacks a clear direction -- what is it that you want to stand out when the reader is through with the essay? You can use your conclusion for this purpose, as also suggested by Kevin.
Try to write your introduction and your conclusion and get back with us by posting them here on the forum.
Mark :)
The issue of importance is the power of mentoring..not addiction. I will be making revisions tomorrow.Thanks for the feedback
Understood. I will look forward to your revision today. I think that you have the beginning of a good essay here, Autumn!
Mark
Autumn,
Here are a few errors I saw. There are just a few. I am not sure how you change the title of the essay, Autumn...sorry...
"normal" trialtrials and ...
Strains between my father and Ime created ...
... that I followed suggestionsuggestions
... for my actions continuallycontinually, teaching me ...
Good Luck!
Mark
