Rice Supplemental: Choice of of academic study: Am I clear and concise?

[b]PROMPT: With the understanding that the choice of academic school is not binding, explain why you are applying to that particular school of study[/b

Management of environmental resources to protect human health and the eco systems that support life is one of the most significant challenges that face society. With a commitment to the understanding of these challenges and strategies related to protecting the environment I look forward to my studies at the George R. Brown School of Engineering. As a Latina, born in Peru, I feel passionate about the development of an ethical approach to international energy development and the impact it has on the indigenous poor and the developing country. The unique cross disciplinary collaboration with the Department of Ecology and the Baker Institute of Public Policy Energy forum provides an opportunity to approach energy development in a strategic ethical approach. Rice being logistically located in the energy hub of Houston provides opportunities for research, and internships. My education at Rice will provide me with the opportunity to combine my passion for environmental science and stewardship with my enthusiasm for engineering. The small class size, reputation for academic excellence and a commitment to leadership is the catalyst for my applying to Rice for a career in environmental engineering.

Management of environmental resources to protect human health and the eco systems that support life is one of the most significant challenges that faces society. With a commitment to the understanding of these challenges and strategies related to protecting the environment, I look forward to my studies at the George R. Brown School of Engineering.

I fixed a few things for you that you might have overlooked.

The small class size, reputation for academic excellence and a commitment to leadership is the catalyst for my applying to Rice for a career in environmental engineering.

That part sounds a little awkward.

Overall, your answer to the prompt is extremely well-written.

Yes, I was thinking that this sentence needed a comma, and I notice that Paulina added one.

What you said about Houston is convincing, but the rest of the essay is rather general. I think you should come up with a memorable theme -- and, for example, if you are feeling creative, you can give the reader something to see. Give a sentence that lets them see what you saw in Peru.

I hope you'll use some imagery in para #1 and suggest a theme... and then tell all about why this school is perfect for your unique interests in para #2... and then give a conclusion that mentions the theme again in para #3.

What is the theme of the essay, the moral of the story?

last sentence really killed all the good things you talked about. it's wayyyy to generic. You could end with your previous sentence and maybe add some specific programs before.


it's to convince the reader that you really want to go there, which mia7 does with the forum thing, but not enough facts.