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Rice University, Chinese culture, perspective, well-rounded

ftfn 4 / 13  
Dec 14, 2010   #1
The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.)

I am not a native speaker...I really welcome any suggestion!

Sweat slowly accumulated on my palms and my arms were excruciating sore. I was trying to paint a specific pine tree: long needles, gnarled limbs, and red-brown deeply ridge.Three hours passed, I handed my first Shui-Mo painting to my grandpa. However, he gave it back after a casual glance and led me to see his work.

"My boy, a painter should capture the spirit of his subject by unveiling the combination between those seemingly detached scenes" My grandpa pointed to his work. "You see, in my painting, the root is tangled in rocks, leaves are exposed to the rain, truncks are searing by the sun. It is connection, rather than an isolated detail that injects life into my painting."

My grandpa's words illuminated me a simple but significant word---relationship. It also reminded me of my childhood. Like every Chinese child, before 11, I was forced to learn Chinese calligraphy, Shui_Mo painting, to read Tang poems and recite classics. During Spring Festival, there was no holiday because I had to write Dui Lian and riddles, cooked Jiaozi and made fireworks. Useless? You are wrong,,those seemingly useless skills actually cultivated me into a well-rounded young man.

The enduring recipe, familiar aroma of a simple dish Jiaozi(dumplings) connected me to a history more than 5000 years. The floating rhythm in Shui-Mo, inspring structure in calligraphy captured my eyes and mosted my hearts. The household Tang Poems, never-changed classics, illuminated me that the value of an inner integrity rather than a ostentious luxury.

I admit that my childhood is painful, but I also think it inspiring because various parts complemented with each other and those fragments connected, mixed, interweaved, creating a balanced Chinese painting.

What I will contribute to Rice is also my life philosophy of "connection" inherited from Chinese culture. I won't narrow my mind to "majors" Instead, I will explore my interests and dabble into broad subjects. History, religion, science, literature, social skills,, in these amazing fields I like to find a intrinsic link and combine them together. Detached part are useless until I organize them into an ensemble..The appealing relationship between diverse subjects will always keep me intrigued.
Oleh 5 / 33  
Dec 14, 2010   #2
My grandpa said - using "said" is so boring. Different word choice perhaps, advised?
wise life philosophy throughout a Chinese' life
Every Chinese child has the same painful childhood experiences, including me.
the value of these useless skills
But when I grow up - don't start with the word "But"
Ngozi93 3 / 30  
Dec 15, 2010   #3
I absolutely love your essay however I think you should change the way you started your third paragraph and try to make it sound strong like the others.
OP ftfn 4 / 13  
Dec 16, 2010   #4
Thank you!
I will revise my third paragraph...
OP ftfn 4 / 13  
Dec 16, 2010   #5
I made some changes and I think it is much better.
Can anyone read my revised essay. Welcome any suggestion!
Kiraw - / 10  
Dec 19, 2010   #6
Hi there! Thanks for commenting on my thread by the way. I deleted it because I got all the edits I needed.
Anyhow, for your essay, I made a lot of edits. Just some grammar stuff and sentence wording was a little off. Also, one big suggestion I have for you: just say what you are meaning to say. I feel like you were trying to use fancy words and flowing sentences, but it is hard to tell what you are actually saying. Basically, you are trying to say that there is a link between everything we do in our lives, and that link is something that fascinates you. So just say something direct like that rather than

"various parts complemented with each other and those fragments connected, mixed, interweaved, creating a balanced Chinese painting."
^ I get what you are trying to say there, but it is just confusing and uses too many words. All you need to say to get you point across in that sentence is "Various part of my life complement eachother."

Good luck though and I hope this advice helps! Your essay is on a very good topic and will be great once you clean it up a bit!
OP ftfn 4 / 13  
Dec 19, 2010   #7
Hi, Kira

Thank you! Great help!

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