Rice University - Extracurricular essay - Tennis Shows My Personality

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (150 word limit)

My coach once said, "You can tell someone's personality by the way they play tennis."

My junior year was a nightmare of flying tennis balls and rackets. Just before the season began, I accidentally broke my racket and had to get a new one. Then, I injured my wrist and foot; a new job, piano practice, and six AP classes didn't help. I became grouchy, and my tennis showed it, with erratic shots that landed everywhere but where I wanted them to go.

After the season, I chose to take better care of my body by eating healthy and using a trendy yellow wristband. My senior year, I prioritized consistency over power, and stayed levelheaded during matches. When my team made it to Division 1 Regionals for the first time in our school's history, I won a challenging doubles match with strategy and patience, traits I gained through overcoming difficulties.

word count: 150

It was really difficult to get it within the word limit. There was so much more I wanted to write and once I began deleting, the transitions just went away. Any suggestions are deeply appreciated. Thank you!

hi, i'm writing my extracurriculars too! 150 is quite short for your activity, but i think that they don't want to hear everything you do, so you should emphasize how you think when you realize that you should "take better care of my body" and other changes. The stark contrast between two seasons is obvious, but it seems like you feel the need to change overnight and the process is neglected. just my opinion.

Thank you LiangWu! :) Your suggestion was really helpful. I tried to emphasize the process of changing a bit more, but...tell me what you think!

Here's the revised version:
My coach once said, "You can tell someone's personality by the way they play tennis."
My junior year was a nightmare of flying tennis balls and nerves. Just before the season, I accidentally broke my racket. Then, I injured my wrist and foot from overuse and carelessness. Bogged down by injuries, a new job, piano practice, and six AP classes, I became grouchy - and my tennis showed it, with erratic shots that landed everywhere but where I wanted them to go.

This year, I resolved to avoid the previous season's disaster and used bandages and a yellow wristband to prevent injuries. I prioritized consistency over power, and strived to remain levelheaded during matches. When my team made it to Division 1 Regionals, my meticulous care and practice paid off when I won a challenging doubles match. Through effort and training, I refined both my tennis skills and my mental toughness.

word count: 150 again :)