Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are.
I grew up in a simple pale blue one room house in Chang Chun, China. The bed room, living room, dining room, and kitchen were all in that one room. Bathrooms were outside the house and one actually had to walk some distance to get there. It was not what you can call a picture-perfect house, but I was still proud to call it home. I lived with my aunt and her family because both my parents immigrated to America when I was still very young. Every month, my parents would send me their hard earned money to cover my living expenses. When the time came for me to live my parents in the United States, it was all ready five years since I had seen them in person. Although my memories of them were all based on photos and phone calls, I immediately felt their love when they greeted me at the airport.
Today, I live a life of comfort but my humble childhood reminds me to appreciate the simple things in life; foods like bananas and milk - even hot water from the faucet - were considered rare commodities during my childhood in China. My friends often make fun of me for my obedience towards my parents and even consider me old fashioned; I know the reason I reject "teenage rebellion" is because I respect and parents and I am eternally grateful for all they have done for me. This is how my world shaped me.
lose the last sentence. Replace it with a more impacting ending.
I reject "teenage rebellion" is because I respect and parents
perhaps you meant to say my parents instead of and parents
I grew up in a simple, pale blue, one-room house in Chang Chun, China. The bedroom , living room, dining room, and kitchen were all in that one room.
I lived with my aunt and her family, because both my parents immigrated to America when I was still very young.
When the time came for me to live with my parents in the United States, had already been five years since I had seen them in person.
Wow, your experiences are sooo interesting!! I love the essay. Flower is right: it deserves a better last sentence. You are cool!!!
Thanks for the help guys! :D
I'm Chinese too. I think you are talking about cherish right?这的确是个难能可贵的品质.写的不错,只是稍微有点头重脚轻.我的意思是最好第二段---你的主旨短能够再长一点, 再强调一点
