Please help, any positive or negative criticism will be greatly appreciated. I know its a lot of essays so thanks for your time :)!
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.
Dear roommate,
There are a myriad of quirky facets to my personality that I should probably warn you about. For example, I listen to Christmas music all year long, so don't be surprised if you hear Tchaikovsky's Sugar Plum Fairy blasting loudly in our dorm as I study for finals; it helps me concentrate. In fact, I should mention that I adore the Holiday season; I hope this provides an insight into the type of person that I am. To me, the Holiday season represents everything that makes me joyous. I'm not easily tempted to spend money on myself; however, Christmas gives me an opportunity to shower others with gifts and exquisite home-made treats. Not that I wait until Christmas to bake; in fact, I plan to obtain a toaster-over for our dorm so that I can bake goodies all year round. In addition to the materialistic aspects of Christmas that I enjoy, I also enjoy the loving vibe radiated by others during this magical season. I'm an only child; I was raised by a single mother. To me,Christmas has always served as a time where I get to experience having a large, loving family-something I've lacked since moving here from Peru. But Christmas isn't only a childish holiday, it's also a source of inspiration and strength. A few years Christmases back, as my mom and I were in the car, my mom attempted to change the radio station to Non-Christmas music. She hates most American Christmas carols; she finds them depressing. In a desperate attempt to stop her, I promised that the next song would be her favorite, Feliz Navidad. I quickly prayed to God that out of the thousands of Christmas songs, the radio host would play that one. I had blindly taken a leap of faith, and it proved effective. Shivers ran through my spine as I heard the voice of J. Feliciano through the speakers. This mini miracle helped me realize that we should stop over-analyzing our goals and desires and the various ways they can go wrong. Instead, we should utter a powerful prayer, and just reach for the stars.
What matters to you, and why?
In economics, the term "opportunity cost" is what's given up in order to acquire something else. I've given up lax pre-bedtime moments spent mocking "telenovelas" in favor of isolating myself in my room to study. I've forsaken sleep; my average bedtime is 2:00a.m. Why? To equate myself to the "privileged" Stanford applicants. The most heart-wrenching opportunity cost of my desire to better myself has been my mom's declined happiness level. My mom constantly refuses to let me work. She'd rather struggle financially so that we can spend the minute amount of free time we have together. However, as free time has ceased to exist for me, so has my mom's felicity. But I've shoved guilt into the back of my head, refusing to focus on all of life's little pleasures I've renounced in hope of someday "making my mother proud". Last week, I needed to run to Wal-Mart at midnight to make a school-related purchase. She refused to let me. "Too dangerous," she explained. I didn't budge, and we argued ferociously. With tears in her eyes, she told me "Someday, you'll be successful, but at what price? You're trying to make me proud, yet at this rate, I won't even be there to see you succeed." Her statement gave me chills. I'd lost track of what's important. If I'm not accepted into Stanford, I'll be melancholy, but the world won't end. So why strive for a prestigious education when I can just enjoy the present? I'll never be able to equate my ACT scores to those from people who've had private tutors; I'll never be able to list elite summer programs on my transcript because I've spent most of my summers either helping at my mom's job or visiting my beloved family in Peru. But what can I do? Re-establish the spark in my mom's eyes. What matters to me? Opportunity costs. The opportunity cost of obtaining my dream education has outweighed its benefits. I've done everything humanly possible to attain my dreams, but I refuse to cross the line from dedication to obsession.
I agree with the first poster. Your first essay has so much voice and charisma, and you lose that in the second one. It sounds forced.
From your first essay, I can tell you're a wonderful writer. You can add more personality to the second one!
