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This is me, your roommate; stanford essay - Write a note



sarthakjain 19 / 58  
Aug 28, 2013   #1
Please help me with these stanford essays :

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate -- and us -- know you better. (250 word limit.)

Hi! My future amigo
This is me, your roommate. Just enter the room filled with books, among which would be works on almost every aspect of Computer sciences. Studying is my passion, so sometimes (and It is a request) you have to drag me out of room for a hangout. And mind you, I will make you study too if you don't take your courses seriously. But aside from that caveat, I am genuinely a helpful person. You can bash me up at 2 in the morning if you need any help, either to have a quick late night snack or complete an early morning due assignment . And if we ever disagree on any issue, please remember that I believe in compromise and I expect the same from you.

One thing you may find interesting about me is my continuous stream of questions about you. See I am a kind of person who loves learning about new cultures and travelling the world. I come from a country of rich cultural diversity and would like to tell you about all the places I have visited and experiences I have had and know about yours. And lastly, I have been told of being an adrenaline junkie, but instead of jumping from a plane, I take my shots by pursuing unorthodox ideas to research and taking part in any and every competition available to me . I look forward to knowing about you and your passions too. Till then ...

With love
Sarthak Jain

Please reflect on your experiences and personal development since your last application. (250 word limit.) (I applied for last year too)
Since my last application, I have traveled three continents, made friends in over twenty five countries, had dinner with The President of India and increased my knowledge threefold. And all of this for single event - my selection for World Skills Leipzig. It had been my focus for past six months with its intensive training by Industry leaders such as Microsoft, flying around the country to meet with the professionals and studying for hours at end to win medal for my country. These six months have been truly enlightening. They taught me humility - during one of my journeys to Mumbai, I met my trainer's student of 12 years old who lived in quite underprivileged conditions, but could go neck to neck with me on programming assignments. They taught me importance of voicing my thoughts - I lost 15 marks in final competition in Leipzig only because I was afraid to raise my questions for the fear of being embarrassed by them. Had I not been afraid, I would have brought the gold medal for my country which is equivalent to an Olympic medal for me and my country. Finally they taught me that hard work is always rewarded in some form as in my case by winning the coveted medallion of excellence. These experiences have made me a better person - one who is more confident in himself and who doesn't hesitate to speak.

Please be harsh in your critique. Any help is appreciated.

thisweirdkid 2 / 10  
Aug 28, 2013   #2
Your first piece which is addressed to your future roommate is great. I'm like you in many terms except for the fact that I'm more of a social sciences person rather than computer science. It's well written but there's always room for improvement.

know about yours

Well, I'm not great at proofreading but, 'would like to know about yours' sounds more graceful than just know about yours!

Thanks.


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