"rugby was my best sport" -Using 150 words, activities or events and experiences

My name is victor i need someone who can check my essay and offer constructive and astute criticism will be highly appreciated.

Experiences and challenges have broadened my vision of mankind and made me a proactive person. As the journalism and law club editor, I faced immense pressure, Students demanding a magazine and the administration slap: lack of funds made our idea of success a mirage. In the end, perseverance made us win making the first successful school magazine in the halls of history for the club.

In the field, rugby was my best sport. Not only did i learn a great deal of teamwork, playing as the winger position earned me a crown scoring points and leading from the front as team captain.

After high school, I joined "The Young Elite" youth group. The programme based on drug use and abuse, Environmental cleaning, Ethics and good health, Mentoring and Education. It was the best avenue of profound personal growth in community development.

1st of all is this for the Common Application? If so you should note that the prompt reads : Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below or on an attached sheet (150 words or fewer). Therefore you should focus on either the school magazine, rugby or the youth group. Don't write about all. I would personally prefer the youth group because it sounds less conceited. The other two kinda do. I get the feeling you are indicating that 'without me as captain the rugby team would suck' I think it is just an issue of not expounding on your ideas enough due to space constraints. Pick one. :)

Hi Brian,
Thanks u such a good critique. i will harness the essay and blend it with the corrections. Thanks for your advice.It was my first time...more will come.

As the journalism and law club editor, I faced immense pressure -- stud ents demanding a magazine and the administration slap. Lack of funds made our idea of success a mirage. In the end, perseverance made us win and become the team behind the first successful ...

Not only did i learn a great deal of teamwork, but also playing as the winger position earned me a crown recognition as I scored points and leading from the front as team captain.

After high school, I joined "The Young Elite" youth group. The programme based focuses on drug use and abuse, Environmental environmental cleaning, ethics and good health, mentoring and education .--- you capitalized some words unnecessarily here.

It was the best avenue of profound personal growth in community development.--- good sentence!