Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 3


"I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world" UGRAD response



raafat_abualazm 1 / 1  
Nov 7, 2017   #1
Hi,
I'm Raafat, a new member here. If you would kindly review my essay as a response to the question: Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program? I think it asks about some sort of a personal statement, or something like it. The Global UGRAD scholarship is mainly about exchanging ideas and cultures, and leadership so I tried to highlight these in my essay.

Global UGRAD Program application



Esssay starts:

"I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world" - Mary Anne Radmacher.
I always wanted to travel and to see how other people go about their lives; because if you know others, you know yourself better. Different cultures treat same matters differently, something is treated in some place in some way, but the same thing in another place is treated differently. Granted, due to different mindsets, problems are easy if you change your outlook and benefit from the experience of others. However, it isn't problems and their solution only to learn from each other, most of the time, combining different ways of thinking produces better ideas, better ways of doing things, it is a win-win situation really. For this intermediacy between thoughts, and cultures to happen, there must be people who are open-minded, malleable, with keenness to explore cultures, and eagerness to spread their experience with others, and I see myself proudly possessing those characteristics.

I see myself as open minded and malleable, I, in my real life, am very open to difference around me, for example I have friends who are hardcore Muslims, many Christian friends, some of my friends are Atheists as well. I am very open to discussion with each one of them, to exchange ideas, I want to listen to how they see the world. I like to read about different schools of thought, on many matters like politics, philosophy and religion, I am also not afraid or too proud to take advice or have anyone's input, and I take it into consideration. I am also very malleable, I change my attitude, but of course not my principles or personality, in accordance with the situation I'm involved in, I prioritize and reprioritize, I blend in the atmosphere I'm in quite easily, keeping the distinctiveness of who I am and what I stand for.

Most often I am very open to new cultures with unending keenness to learn about and from them. Since I was a small teenager I actively tried to befriend people of foreign cultures, I participated in foreign discussion forums and quorums, watched movies and listened to songs of many foreign lands, from Asian to American to European to African. I read about religions, myths of different people, I read to their great thinkers and I learn their histories, to form a better understanding of their core values, where do they stand and to have an insight on their outlook on life. I also, as a matter of personal taste, to try the cuisines of different locations, because food is an international symbol of identity, and to eat from a foreign cuisine shows that you want to learn and to experience the culture from which the food came.

As a matter of fact, I like to think of myself as a leader, and people around me seem to agree. Because I always speak my mind and share my thoughts with others, and I try to influence people around me, I even was the vice-president of a local radio station at my faculty, and helped in preparing the content to be aired. I also like to share my experiences with others, and to share my knowledge about a subject, more often than not people come for me for help, whether taking advices or even in helping them with some subject or anything they have hard time grasping, and have intellectual and entertainment discussions.

For these reasons and others, I see myself as proudly deserving to participate in the opportunity as I see myself as a suitable candidate.

Essay end.

Any input would be appreciated, thank!

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15344  
Nov 7, 2017   #2
Raafat, this is an overly informative essay but it doesn't really show how you can add to the diversity of the program. You focus too much on what you can get from the program and how people view you but you never once referenced what you can contribute to the program. The UGrad program has limited participants so you need to figure out something about you which makes you special then share that with the reviewer. Think of it in terms of diversity. You can learn from the group, but you aren't specific about what you hope to share, educate, or teach the group and your host family about. Revise the essay to deliver a two way participation on your part. Highlight what makes you special either in terms of your background or your heritage that will enlighten them about you and then some.
OP raafat_abualazm 1 / 1  
Nov 7, 2017   #3
@Holt
I guess you are right, I'm rewriting the thing from scratch
Thanks a lot for your help.


Home / Undergraduate / "I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world" UGRAD response
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳