Hello,
I'm sending in my UC Santa Barbara soon and hoping for some feedback on Prompt #1.
I'm having some trouble finding my voice with this essay and I'm wondering if I have properly responded to the prompt.
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
Any advice on changes or improvements I could make would be appreciated.
Please do not hesitate to be very critical.
Thanks in advance to anyone taking the time to read it.
All day the snow had been falling. Not a soul was on the streets as I made my way from the train station towards the apartment I rented in the suburbs of Tokyo, Japan. I had just returned from an extended trip to my hometown in southern California. I was refreshed, sun burnt, and felt strangely out of place carrying a surfboard in such an environment. I might have felt embarrassed had it not been New Years Day, which meant that the entire city was shut down.
An odd feeling overcame me as I rounded the narrow alleyway that was used to access the entrance of the old wooden apartment where I lived. The building, which had survived World War Two, and housed a variety of different tenants and one foreigner, was no longer standing. In its place stood an empty lot cordoned off with yellow tape. My initial reaction was that I had made a wrong turn and had taken the wrong street. But after standing there in disbelief for several minutes an old man approached and began speaking to me. I had no idea what he was trying to tell me. I had been in Japan one year, but still had not learned even the basics of conversation. He kept repeating the same word over and over so I looked it up in the pocket dictionary I always carried. Kaji, kaji he said, it meant fire. What had happened to my apartment was starting to make sense.
I had lost all my possessions and was alone in a foreign city, but I was determined to survive. In the weeks that followed I found myself reaching outside my comfort zone and interacting with people from all walks of life. First with the police to file a report, then with the landlord of a new apartment, then finally with the old man who had taught me the Japanese word for fire.
A link with the community around me had been formed, and in spite of my limited communication skills I actually began to feel comfortable fumbling my way through conversation. As my language skills grew stronger I continued to adapt to this different culture and felt a renewed sense of confidence.
Embracing these challenges allowed me to improve my skills quite rapidly, and I ultimately found employment with a Japanese advertising agency. Initially the scope of my work consisted of correcting advertising literature for Japanese food and beverage companies. Gradually I gained the trust of my employer and I was transferred to the market research department where I learned the fundamentals of market research and advertising strategies.
After a period of five years I was ready for a change and accepted employment with the telecommunications company NTT. The position was challenging and required working long hours in a demanding environment where I was the only non-Japanese employee. This position presented me with a tremendous opportunity to expand on my background in advertising and marketing, and I gained knowledge in human relations, sales, investor relations and technology issues as the sole international representative of the company.
During this time I had extensive contact with my colleagues, this allowed me to both improve my Japanese skills and to also teach them the fundamentals of speaking English. Our weekly after work language exchanges gradually developed into a cultural experience which had a large influence in shaping the person I am today.
I had always been fascinated by history, and during this time I made a decision to one day return to school to history formally and lay a foundation for a career in education. Without question, having an opportunity to attend UCSB to pursue at degree in history would be a dream come true. By approaching my return to college with the same level of dedication and enthusiasm I displayed learning a foreign language and working for the past fifteen years I'm confident I have what it takes to excel as a member of the UCSB student body.
I'm sending in my UC Santa Barbara soon and hoping for some feedback on Prompt #1.
I'm having some trouble finding my voice with this essay and I'm wondering if I have properly responded to the prompt.
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
Any advice on changes or improvements I could make would be appreciated.
Please do not hesitate to be very critical.
Thanks in advance to anyone taking the time to read it.
All day the snow had been falling. Not a soul was on the streets as I made my way from the train station towards the apartment I rented in the suburbs of Tokyo, Japan. I had just returned from an extended trip to my hometown in southern California. I was refreshed, sun burnt, and felt strangely out of place carrying a surfboard in such an environment. I might have felt embarrassed had it not been New Years Day, which meant that the entire city was shut down.
An odd feeling overcame me as I rounded the narrow alleyway that was used to access the entrance of the old wooden apartment where I lived. The building, which had survived World War Two, and housed a variety of different tenants and one foreigner, was no longer standing. In its place stood an empty lot cordoned off with yellow tape. My initial reaction was that I had made a wrong turn and had taken the wrong street. But after standing there in disbelief for several minutes an old man approached and began speaking to me. I had no idea what he was trying to tell me. I had been in Japan one year, but still had not learned even the basics of conversation. He kept repeating the same word over and over so I looked it up in the pocket dictionary I always carried. Kaji, kaji he said, it meant fire. What had happened to my apartment was starting to make sense.
I had lost all my possessions and was alone in a foreign city, but I was determined to survive. In the weeks that followed I found myself reaching outside my comfort zone and interacting with people from all walks of life. First with the police to file a report, then with the landlord of a new apartment, then finally with the old man who had taught me the Japanese word for fire.
A link with the community around me had been formed, and in spite of my limited communication skills I actually began to feel comfortable fumbling my way through conversation. As my language skills grew stronger I continued to adapt to this different culture and felt a renewed sense of confidence.
Embracing these challenges allowed me to improve my skills quite rapidly, and I ultimately found employment with a Japanese advertising agency. Initially the scope of my work consisted of correcting advertising literature for Japanese food and beverage companies. Gradually I gained the trust of my employer and I was transferred to the market research department where I learned the fundamentals of market research and advertising strategies.
After a period of five years I was ready for a change and accepted employment with the telecommunications company NTT. The position was challenging and required working long hours in a demanding environment where I was the only non-Japanese employee. This position presented me with a tremendous opportunity to expand on my background in advertising and marketing, and I gained knowledge in human relations, sales, investor relations and technology issues as the sole international representative of the company.
During this time I had extensive contact with my colleagues, this allowed me to both improve my Japanese skills and to also teach them the fundamentals of speaking English. Our weekly after work language exchanges gradually developed into a cultural experience which had a large influence in shaping the person I am today.
I had always been fascinated by history, and during this time I made a decision to one day return to school to history formally and lay a foundation for a career in education. Without question, having an opportunity to attend UCSB to pursue at degree in history would be a dream come true. By approaching my return to college with the same level of dedication and enthusiasm I displayed learning a foreign language and working for the past fifteen years I'm confident I have what it takes to excel as a member of the UCSB student body.