You could say that I had college fever!; Transfer Reasons

Common Application Transfer Essay:
Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve, and attach it to your application before submission.

Throughout out my senior year all I could think about was college; I guess you could say that I had college fever. I committed to a school early in the college process, in the beginning of November. I really didn't think about why I was picking the school, all I knew was that I had been accepted, it was far away from home, and I didn't know a single person going there. At that point in time those were the specifications I followed when looking at a school. I spent the rest of my senior year ready to break free from high school, and immerse myself into college life.

Upon arriving to the University of Texas the realities of being a college student hit me like a brick wall. Before arriving to school I never took into account the amount of independence I would have to handle, it was completely overwhelming. I allowed simple tasks like doing my own laundry to stress me out. I also didn't realize the role that my family and friends played in my life and neglected to think about what life would be like away from them at college. As a result of me not being able to handle college life my grades took a toll. By the end of my first semester I knew enough was enough and decided to come back home. I was obviously not ready to go away to college and I found no point in staying.

Since my return home I have successfully completed two semesters at a local community college. My decision to leave Texas was the best decision I could have made for myself. Over the course of the past year I have given a lot of thought to what I want out of my next college experience. For one I know that I would benefit from being at a smaller school. I want my teachers to know my name rather than my social security number. I have also come to realize that distance doesn't matter; I don't need to go to a school a thousand miles away from home to be happy. I have matured a lot since I left Texas and feel much more confident about going into a new University. I can say with confidence now that I am ready to experience everything that comes along with college life.

Once I have transferred to a new school, I hope I will be able to feel a sense of belonging to my community. I want to have a sense of pride that one has from attending a school that they love. I am very eager to continue my education at a prestigious University. I want to achieve personal and scholastic excellence once I am at my new school. I cannot wait to move on to a new chapter in my life at my new school.

This is a very rough first draft. I would greatly appreciate any advice you could give me. I honestly had no idea what to say, so any comments would really help.

Why do you talk about how badly your first college experience went? Do the admissions officers really need to know about that? And if you insist on mentioning it, why should they believe you would do any better the next time around? Because you say you've matured? What evidence can you give that this is so? You say you have succeeded at community college, which is good, but you have done so from home. What makes you think you would be any better at living on your own this time around? I'm not saying that you haven't matured, or that you won't do better, but you haven't provided any reasons for the reader to believe either of those things. As a result, the essay is more likely to make the admissions officers not want to admit you than the opposite. So, you need to revise the essay to put yourself in a better light.