Can someone please edit?
question : What unique aspects of this school most interests you?
The lively environment, the maginificent buildings, and the superb academics all act as elements that capture my interest of Lehigh University. However, what fascinates me even more about this school is its diverse community. Former President Jimmy Carter once said,"We have become not a melting pot but a beautiful mosaic. Different people, different beliefs, different yearnings, different hopes, different dreams." Not only Lehigh University made up of people with different cultural backgrounds, but it is also made up with people who engage themselves in different projects. These people get involved in hopes and goals of making a difference. For instance, Lehigh University has a rigorous Community Service Program, which many students participate in. From soup kitchens to environment committees, the school community shows great dedication to tackling different issues. I am also aware that the school offers SERVE trips. These trips allow students to travel to areas where help is needed. I consider these factors unique because I have always been keen on the concept of helping others. I even plan to be an active member in some of these programs. Overall, the Lehigh community contributes 50,000 hours of service annually. It is incredible to see a diverse community join in order to resolve different issues. Thus, I hope to become a part of the "beautiful mosaic" that resides at Lehigh University.
" Not only is Lehigh University made up of people with different cultural backgrounds, but it is also made up of people who engage themselves in different projects."
I think it's okay grammar-wise, but I feel like you're not showing enough of yourself here. There's no need to put up facts about the university. You should talk more about you, maybe share an experience that made you want to get involved in the programs at Lehigh. You say that you are "very keen on the concept of helping others".Perhaps you have done community service at your own neighbourhood? Tell that to the university. Remember that you're not trying to sell the college back to itself, you want to be selling yourself. Well, good luck! Comment on my essays too:)
