'Science Olympiad' - Common App Extracurricular Box - Short Answer

This was the short-response box for an extracurricular and its impact on you; I went with Science Olympiad and what it meant to me.

Science Olympiad was the epitome of an "extraordinary"-curricular activity for me. An extracurricular activity is considered to be something that you take after school to pass time or use as a gateway to meet people with similar interests. Essentially, this is what Science Olympiad was for me at first. However, I didn't realize that Science Olympiad was much more than just an avenue for meeting people or passing time. There were countless moments of camaraderie, unity, and synergy that could not have been possible if I chose not to try out for Science Olympiad in 2007. Science Olympiad was the catalyst of realization for what "living in the moment" truly meant for me. Without it, I doubt I would have had the same optimistic philosophy of life that I have today, and needless to say, I would have missed out on a plethora of amazing memories.

Good essay; I think you can keep most of what you have written, but here are a few suggestions:

You repeat "Science Olympiad" a lot. Could you replace it with something different for a few instances?

What exactly is Science Olympiad? What do you do there, and why do you like it? What kind of of camaraderie, unity, and synergy moments were there?

Also, this sentence could be reworded a little, "...could not have been possible had I not tried out for Science Olympiad in 2007 ."<-is that necessary? if so, it sounds awkward. is there another way to word it? possibly, "four years ago"?

Anyways good essay, and hope this helped a little!