'The score is 4-4' MIT pleasure activity essay, critique

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it.

The score is 4-4. The crowd is shouting my name, my teammates cheer for me hoping I can score the match point. I take a deep breath trying to calm my nerves. Here comes the pitch, and I swing. The ball is flying far to the outfield, but I am already running as fast as I can. Now I am on third base and feel everyone's eyes on me. I must score now. Coming close to home plate I slide and score! All the hours spent practicing paid off today, because nothing gives me more joy than moments like that. (100 words)

Any criticism is welcome and appreciated. Please check my punctuation as well if you can, I know it's not always right.

Please also critique this one if you have time

Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)

In ***(my country) we have great environment, but unfortunately not everybody can breathe in our fresh air, drink our spring water or enjoy the beautiful view I see every day. Scientists and engineers should work together to advance humanity without devastating our nature, and I want to contribute to this by becoming a nuclear engineer. Doing research on alternative sources of energy has been my dream job. I think it will give smaller countries, like mine, an opportunity to develop without relying on imports of gas and oil, and I believe humankind will benefit from equality as more bright minds will stand out.

102 words, I think we can write more than 100 as long as it fits on the page?

this is extremely cliché. colleges always warn against talking about "that time you scored the big goal". They've heard it a thousand times before. Sorry but I would rewrite. You can talk about baseball but also think of how many other boys are talking about the same thing

Thanks for your comment. I did write another essay just now before going to sleep and if anyone can comment on it, I would appreciate.

It's another summer morning, and I am on my way to the field. I am coaching kids from the neighborhood how to play baseball. Training under a 33°C heat is not easy, but seeing their progress after every practice always brings a big smile to my face. After every point scored they ask me if I saw it. Of course I did as I watched closely and was as nervous as them. We go through every loss together and celebrate every win as a team. Even though we lost this season, the time we spent together I will not forget. 100 words

This is the best I could do in 30 minutes. I hope this will show how close we got during this season. I fail to squeeze more emotions and detail into this, so please I need your help, thanks.