This is the first time I've ever written a college-type admissions essays so please critique as much as needed
"Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story."
Throughout the course of my life, there hasn't been a time I can recall feeling like a dependent child. Clearly, as toddler growing up, I needed the support of my parents to thrive, but other than that, I have always been self-reliant. At a young age, my mother and father, unbeknownst to them, left me to take care of myself. As the middle child in my family, my parents were constantly dealing with the wild behavior of my older sister, while simultaneously trying to raise my younger brother, who was still too young to provide or care for himself. Juggling two incredibly different children, my ten year-old self was left alone to learn about the workings of the world. I was at an age where my childish, dream-like surroundings were starting to be torn away by the dreariness of reality, and I had no idea how to deal with such a change in perspective.
Passing through middle-school, I found myself completely lost. There was no positive, mature influence in my life to lead me through the confusing paths that led to maturing from a girl into a woman, and because of this, I burrowed deeper into my own lonely world. All around me, I saw loving and supportive families attending parent-teacher conferences or open houses, and I was determined to transform my own kin into the same type of people. I delved myself into my school-work, set on becoming the best in order to make my parents proud of me, but it was to no avail; there seemed to be too much going on in their lives that distracted them from all of the work I was doing. For years, I lived with the idea that none of my achievements were enough for the world; I had hit rock-bottom, but soon I found exactly what I needed to change my entire outlook on life.
As a result of my constant attempts to achieve the best in school, I spent much of my time building relationships with my school teachers. I gravitated towards them, always asking questions and trying to form a bond in the nine months that I spent with each of them. Throughout middle school I never realized it, but looking back, I now realize that the connections I made with my teachers were what filled the void that my parents never could. The pride and approval that came from doing the work that my teachers assigned made my heart soar, and encouraged me to maintain a strong work ethic in order to maintain this wonderful new feeling of contentment. The relationships that I have formed with my teachers over the past five or six years have completely changed me as a person. I went from living in a world where I felt completely alone, to desperately trying to please anyone around me, to finally understanding that the work I do should not merely be an attempt at impressing family or friends. All of these lessons were taught to me by teachers who may not even realize what an impact that had on me; they built up my self-confidence, and showed me the care and love that I had longed for for so many years. I feel forever indebted to all of the teachers that I have gotten to know while growing up, and the bonds I made have instilled a passion and desire to become a teacher myself. I know that I am not the only person who has grown up without a strong connection to their parents; there are millions of children in the world who are feeling hopeless and discontented just as I did. Schoolteachers have nine months to educate and show love to hundreds of kids each day who may need it; all I want is to provide and nurture for as many adolescents as I can who might be growing up in the same way that I did.
"Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story."
Throughout the course of my life, there hasn't been a time I can recall feeling like a dependent child. Clearly, as toddler growing up, I needed the support of my parents to thrive, but other than that, I have always been self-reliant. At a young age, my mother and father, unbeknownst to them, left me to take care of myself. As the middle child in my family, my parents were constantly dealing with the wild behavior of my older sister, while simultaneously trying to raise my younger brother, who was still too young to provide or care for himself. Juggling two incredibly different children, my ten year-old self was left alone to learn about the workings of the world. I was at an age where my childish, dream-like surroundings were starting to be torn away by the dreariness of reality, and I had no idea how to deal with such a change in perspective.
Passing through middle-school, I found myself completely lost. There was no positive, mature influence in my life to lead me through the confusing paths that led to maturing from a girl into a woman, and because of this, I burrowed deeper into my own lonely world. All around me, I saw loving and supportive families attending parent-teacher conferences or open houses, and I was determined to transform my own kin into the same type of people. I delved myself into my school-work, set on becoming the best in order to make my parents proud of me, but it was to no avail; there seemed to be too much going on in their lives that distracted them from all of the work I was doing. For years, I lived with the idea that none of my achievements were enough for the world; I had hit rock-bottom, but soon I found exactly what I needed to change my entire outlook on life.
As a result of my constant attempts to achieve the best in school, I spent much of my time building relationships with my school teachers. I gravitated towards them, always asking questions and trying to form a bond in the nine months that I spent with each of them. Throughout middle school I never realized it, but looking back, I now realize that the connections I made with my teachers were what filled the void that my parents never could. The pride and approval that came from doing the work that my teachers assigned made my heart soar, and encouraged me to maintain a strong work ethic in order to maintain this wonderful new feeling of contentment. The relationships that I have formed with my teachers over the past five or six years have completely changed me as a person. I went from living in a world where I felt completely alone, to desperately trying to please anyone around me, to finally understanding that the work I do should not merely be an attempt at impressing family or friends. All of these lessons were taught to me by teachers who may not even realize what an impact that had on me; they built up my self-confidence, and showed me the care and love that I had longed for for so many years. I feel forever indebted to all of the teachers that I have gotten to know while growing up, and the bonds I made have instilled a passion and desire to become a teacher myself. I know that I am not the only person who has grown up without a strong connection to their parents; there are millions of children in the world who are feeling hopeless and discontented just as I did. Schoolteachers have nine months to educate and show love to hundreds of kids each day who may need it; all I want is to provide and nurture for as many adolescents as I can who might be growing up in the same way that I did.
