hi, all. This is my application essay for Purdue. i feel the last tow paragraphs are unrelated to topic, what changes should i make?
When I drive a car, I think how engine can produce power to make car run; When I visit auto show, and notice the trend of how automobile structure changed over time, I think what role does science play in this change; when I use hydraulic press, I think how can it generate tons of compressive force. Since I was young, I felt that the world was filled with unknown which fascinating me, but the fascination did not disappear, instead, become more intense when I grew up. Now I know, not only I was fascinated by those problems, but also hundreds of thousands of people who dedicate themselves to solve those problems. They are mechanical engineers. As Aristotle says, the more you know, the more you know you don't know. Unknowingness is not scary, because now I have ability and opportunity to discover all the things that used to confuse me. Purdue University, my dream school, will provide me skills and opportunities.
In my opinion, college is not place where students just study knowledge but a real society where transforms immature students into self-thinking citizens. There is no gainsaying that Purdue is an ivory tower for study and research. High respects in both scientific and industrial fields give Purdue graduates advantage in career opportunity. From Neil Armstrong to Gus Grissom, from Edward Mills Purcell to Ben Roy Mottelson, Purdue alumni earn distinguished recognition in many fields. With world-renowned engineering program and highly remarkable ranking, I believe in Purdue's academic performance. I also believe that Purdue education will reinforce and solidify my keen interest in mechanical engineering. While confident with the knowledge that Purdue can provide me, I also value the necessary skills and qualities that are indispensable for success I may learn from Purdue.
i don't see any wrong with your essay
As my uncle always tells me, the most determining factors of success, like leadership and innovation, are not learned at the university. However, I see Purdue University is doing something different from other institutions. I cannot wait to take advantage of "Engineering of 2020 initiative", to be a renaissance engineer with broad knowledge in various areas. I am also interesting in business. My father was a businessman and I was profoundly influenced by him. I felt business was a path that filled with challenges and opportunities. I want to minor in business or double majors in mechanical engineering and business.
I have passion in mathematics and physics. I am willing to spend hours on one problem and still feel worthy. Be acquainted with 3D mechanical CAD program like Solid Works, I like to make 3D models for different things and play with them. With full-fledged courses and advancing teaching principles, the Purdue education can offer me skills to achieve my goals: using science, technology and entrepreneurship to make a better world.
When I drive a car, I think how engine can produce power to make car run; When I visit auto show, and notice the trend of how automobile structure changed over time, I think what role does science play in this change; when I use hydraulic press, I think how can it generate tons of compressive force. Since I was young, I felt that the world was filled with unknown which fascinating me, but the fascination did not disappear, instead, become more intense when I grew up. Now I know, not only I was fascinated by those problems, but also hundreds of thousands of people who dedicate themselves to solve those problems. They are mechanical engineers. As Aristotle says, the more you know, the more you know you don't know. Unknowingness is not scary, because now I have ability and opportunity to discover all the things that used to confuse me. Purdue University, my dream school, will provide me skills and opportunities.
In my opinion, college is not place where students just study knowledge but a real society where transforms immature students into self-thinking citizens. There is no gainsaying that Purdue is an ivory tower for study and research. High respects in both scientific and industrial fields give Purdue graduates advantage in career opportunity. From Neil Armstrong to Gus Grissom, from Edward Mills Purcell to Ben Roy Mottelson, Purdue alumni earn distinguished recognition in many fields. With world-renowned engineering program and highly remarkable ranking, I believe in Purdue's academic performance. I also believe that Purdue education will reinforce and solidify my keen interest in mechanical engineering. While confident with the knowledge that Purdue can provide me, I also value the necessary skills and qualities that are indispensable for success I may learn from Purdue.
i don't see any wrong with your essay
As my uncle always tells me, the most determining factors of success, like leadership and innovation, are not learned at the university. However, I see Purdue University is doing something different from other institutions. I cannot wait to take advantage of "Engineering of 2020 initiative", to be a renaissance engineer with broad knowledge in various areas. I am also interesting in business. My father was a businessman and I was profoundly influenced by him. I felt business was a path that filled with challenges and opportunities. I want to minor in business or double majors in mechanical engineering and business.
I have passion in mathematics and physics. I am willing to spend hours on one problem and still feel worthy. Be acquainted with 3D mechanical CAD program like Solid Works, I like to make 3D models for different things and play with them. With full-fledged courses and advancing teaching principles, the Purdue education can offer me skills to achieve my goals: using science, technology and entrepreneurship to make a better world.
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