Hi everyone I'm a high school senior who doing the #1 prompt on the Common App. So I am writing a "what I overcame" essay. Don't worry, this wasn't a small thing like an athletic game this was a serious familial event that occurred in my life that pretty much effect my high school years (my luck). This event (I'm not comfortable sharing specifically) effected my academic and social life. A bit of a background I am not originally from the US. I came to the US when I was 8 from a country called Bangladesh. I used to go to the number one private school in Bangladesh (which was actually American-run) and was an excellent 4.0 GPA student. After this event that occurred in the summer of 2011 my life pretty much fell apart. As I said this effected my academics. My GPA right now is a 3.2 which is not a representative of who I am. Now, my initial grades (9th and 10th filled with b's and c's) weren't good at all my grades started to get better and my first semester 12th grades were in fact all A's (not to get too cocky lol). I basically had no motivation those first years. But then an event changed my outlook on life. What happened was that I was able to win an internship at the Yunus Centre (which is a centre made by Nobel Peace Prize Winner Dr.Muhammad Yunus to combat poverty in Bangladesh). I was excited to feel useful in a long time as I traveled back to Bangladesh in the summer after 10th grade. I met a lot of people and made friends that really changed my perspective on how I viewed my life. These people were living in abject poverty but still had a positive outlook on life, and this in turn game me the motivation I needed to return to my old self again. I am having a hard time how I could structure all of this into a nice essay. Any help or tips is appreciated.Thanks
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It would flow really well to seperate the different events in your life
1: Opening paragraph
2: Bangladesh experience, end paragraph with American experience
3: Change to good student, demonstrate change
4: Talk about sucess and how driven you are for college now
5: Close with a series of open-ended statements that hint at your drive and desire to suceed
I agree with Maxbradley. Separating and distinguishing the events in your life would make the essay a more compelling read.
John, the essay topic that you chose is more of a common open theme prompt instead of a "What I overcame essay". You should not use this story as the theme of your essay because it shows you off in a negative light. The fact that losing out on something you expected and free falling into a negative mindset is not the kind of image that you want to portray with the admissions officers.Perhaps you should pick another topic for the essay? One that shows more of a "things were out of my control but through sheer perseverance, I managed to overcome it" type of story. It is never in your best interest to show a negative aspect of your character as a student, this essay will not help your application, but it could damage it because of the way you discuss the way you handle failure.
Now, having given my opinion about your possible essay without having read single draft, I would like you to consider the following. You are asking us to base our assumptions about your essay content solely on your brainstorming idea. We cannot accurately base our comments and reviews of your potential essay on that simple idea. Write down the essay and post it here. After we read it, we can then offer more solid reviews and opinions as to whether the essay will or will not work to your benefit. The opinion I gave above is one that is knee-jerk in reaction and does not consider what the actual essay may read as. Keep in mind that I may change my opinion after I read your first draft.
Here is my rough draft of the essay.
I came to the United States from a country called Bangladesh when I was 8 years old. My family was not well off in the beginning financially and didn't get any better throughout the years. This put a severe strain between my mother and father. Eventually my mother decided she had enough and decided to move with her brother on the opposite side of the country taking me and my sister with her. She was studying hard to try to be a dentist but she failed at that too. Eventually she had realized that she didn't want to fail anymore and decided to move me and my sister with her back to Bangladesh when I was 13. And that's when my world fell apart.
In the summer between 8th and 9th grade, specifically July 18, was the date in which when we were supposed to leave for Bangladesh. As the date approached I started to get extremely tense and scared. I DID NOT want to leave the US. The US had become my home. This was the place I was familiar with and Bangladesh seemed like a foreign place to me. I did not want things to change and I was desperate for help, but no one was there to receive my cry. I could feel the spirit in me getting out of line, telling me to do this and that. Finally the night before the flight came. My mind was volatile and I kept telling myself that I had to do something. So I panicked and decided I was going to call the police. I called the police told them that "this woman I didn't know was trying to kidnap me and my sister out of the country". The police showed up and dragged me and my sister away from my mom. I remember that I was the only one not crying and when I was sitting in that police car, I remember for the first time in months feeling serene.
After that happened my world broke apart. The police let my mother go after a couple of days She had missed the flight. That night would define me for my mom for the next several years. She would always tell me that I was the one who had ruined her life. And it just wasn't her, her family had turned on me. Every argument I got in with them would end with "you called the police on your own mom". This abuse heavily affected me. It heavily affected my social life and my grades. I went from being a gregarious person to being reclusive. I had no motivation. I look at my life then and say thats not who I was! I used to go to an elite private school called the Aga Khan School in Bangladesh where I was a perfect student and always at the top of my class. I went from that to being callous and indifferent. I had given up on myself and my identity.
After the summer of 10th grade, to make myself feel useful again, I had applied for an internship at the Yunus Centre. This was an organization started by Dr. Muhammad Yunus, a Nobel Peace Prize winner so you could imagine my excitement when I was told I was accepted. I was excited to travel back to Bangladesh for the summer where I was involved in working with social business leaders to improve life for those who were in abject poverty. I actually got to do field work and go out to the communities and help these people. These people were the reason for my resurgence of my old self. Despite it seeming like the world had given up on them, they were happy. I met this one old man named Tushar who, despite literally having nothing besides a tent for a home, was the happiest person in the world. And there were many more just like him. I was struck by how these people living in the worst conditions could be so optimistic. I asked Tushar why this was and he said "jhe hoyse, hoyse, bhabisyat tumi paltaitapabra" meaning "the past is the past, the future, however, you can change". This sounds cliché, but to me to see it in such a concrete environment inspired me to change my outlook. The future is what I can change and I will change. But I don't want to forget the past. I look at the past as compensation (bad or good), for who I am today. I come out with a new outlook but with my old self and am excited to see my full potential.