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"sharing a space with Austin's nerd" - Stanford -Roommate and Intellectual vitality


gracedrift 7 / 34  
Oct 31, 2010   #1
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better

Hey roomie,

I hope you're excited about sharing a space with Austin's finest nerd. However, I think you should know exactly what you're getting yourself into.

I'm no songbird, but I love to sing. Whenever I'm home alone, I blast the Beatles, kick off my shoes and dance around "singing" the lyrics I know by heart. I'm not confined to being a Beatles freak, though. I think Talking Heads should be prescribed as an anti-depressant and Dylan is an absolute staple in any music collection. I'll listen to just about anything, excluding most Country, Heavy Metal and Rap. Even then, I make exceptions; you have to look up the video for "Girl Directions" by Psychostick.

I'm also a huge film buff. I don't have a television set, so I watch movies on my laptop. Anchorman has to be one of the greatest comedies of the past decade. My friends and I dressed up as the Channel 4 News Team for Halloween. I wore my moustache with pride, channeling my inner man as Brian Fantana. I may also be slightly infatuated with Han Solo (I told you I was a nerd).

Our relationship should be smooth sailing, as long as you don't mind if I stock our fridge with things like tofu, frozen Indian food, and concentrated chai. I'm a vegetarian, although not the type that'll fixate on converting you to "the cause."

As you can tell, I'm serious yet silly, and opinionated yet open-minded. I can't wait to meet you at Stanford.

See you next fall,
Grace

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging

Roaming the neighborhood last night with my dog, I was struck by the enigma that is human civilization. We suffocate the Earth with an eternal stretch of pavement, which winds between the dwellings of a mentally advanced species. As a member of society, how can I come to terms with being part of the problem; one reluctant soldier in the conflict between the civilized and the uncivilized? Perhaps the differences between the two aren't as clear-cut as they appear. The indigenous peoples of our planet live in harmony with the land, relying on no pretentious notions of superiority. My English class raised these issues while wading through the jungle of Conrad's Heart of Darkness. I'm fascinated by our discussions in part because I believe we could learn much from the native cultures of the world. A champion for the study of humanity, I seek a degree in anthropology with the intent of learning about different cultures and applying the knowledge to our own society. I want to be part of the solution, not the problem. Obviously, we must work within the constructs and confines of the society we have built, but a hybrid lifestyle stemming from the adoption of a more "earthy" mindset is a viable option I would like to explore.

I look forward to your advice and criticism. Looking through the other essays that respond to these prompts, I feel quite intimidated. I admit that I just threw these together today and I'm not sure if I should just scrap the second one and start over. Let me know what y'all think.

Andromeda21 3 / 17  
Oct 31, 2010   #2
OMG GRACE I THINK WE COULD BE BEST FRIENDS!

hahaha, I listed Anchorman as one of my favorite movies in the app, I also sing to everything (but in my car), AND i'm a vegetarian!!

Okay, now for some useful input:

I'm a believer in Oxford commas, so I'd say put a comma btw "kick off my shoes, and dance around"
Perhaps the next sentence would flow better as "However, my karaoke career isn't confined to the Beatles: I think..." just a suggestion.

I think you could do without the television/laptop sentence, it doesn't add to your topic.

Now, i know this is nit-picky, but I'm very against saying "things". Maybe you could just say "stalking our fridge with tofu, frozen indian food, ..."

What else. Um, i think the period goes outside the quote marks in "the cause".

And that's all I can think of!

I think your essay is brilliant! I would definitely want you to be my roommate! :)

Also, I think the first half of your second essay is amazing. I mean, "enigma", "eternal stretch of pavement"! awesome!

Buuuuut I think that you rushed the second half to wrap it together.

I don't think you should scrap it. Just try to put the same tone into your second half.

Are you applying early action tomorrow?
OP gracedrift 7 / 34  
Nov 1, 2010   #3
Lol, let us hope that all the other freshmen at Stanford have such good tastes as us :P I have to say, I am really looking forward to visiting California. I hear it's even cooler than Austin (my hometown).

Nope, not applying for early action. I only started thinking about Stanford a few days ago. I'd been focusing on the East Coast, but Cali just sounds so delicious...

Well, thank you for the nit-picking ^^ It definitely improved the first essay. I still have to work out that other one, but I think you're right. Many of my essays start out with flavor but then it just wears off.

Good luck with Stanford!
Grace
OP gracedrift 7 / 34  
Nov 1, 2010   #4
Well, I couldn't sleep so I just revised the second essay. I haven't quite gotten the tone thing down but I think it flows more. Feedback?

Roaming the neighborhood last night with my dog, I was struck by the enigma that is human civilization. We suffocate the Earth with an eternal stretch of pavement, which winds between the dwellings of a mentally advanced species. As a member of society, how can I come to terms with being part of the problem; one reluctant soldier in the conflict between the civilized and the uncivilized? I look at the indigenous cultures of our planet and see people living in harmony with the land, relying on no pretentious notions of superiority. We could learn a great deal from these "primitive" tribes, namely how to establish a simple, environmentally-aware perspective. Obviously, we must work within the constructs and confines of the society we have built, but we should explore the adoption of an "old-school" approach to life on Earth. Let's be part of the solution, not the problem.

(Also I think I'm straying away from the prompt)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Nov 10, 2010   #5
In a sentence like this, use a dash instead of a semi-colon:
As a member of society, how can I come to terms with being part of the problem; one reluctant soldier in the conflict between the civilized and the uncivilized?

Use a semi;colon when the material on each side of it could be a complete sentence. (this is just a general rule of style... no big deal).

I like this discussion, especially the observation of suffocating the earth under pavement. I think the end is too cliche, though! Let's be part of the solution, not the problem.---I know you have this as your theme.. wanting to be part of the solution. But you should probably find a clever, unique way to word this instead of using the cliche.

:-)
mariatateno 6 / 35  
Nov 11, 2010   #6
i love the first one, its really fun and light hearted.


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