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Sharing the world - application essay. (to Duke Kunshan University)



kaia0911 1 / 1  
Dec 9, 2018   #1

my true-self would shine



As I prefer old-fashioned snail mails to the phone, my friends sometimes laugh at me and some even rolled their eyes when I said I waswriting a college application essay about it .''Pen pals'' for them is a somewhat quaint notion only existing in the writing tasks of English exams which seems to be an activity of yesteryear. Even though it's difficult to fully define a person within 650 words, I know that my true-self would shine through if I write about something I am head-over-heels in love with and writing letters is one of those things.

I began seriously writing letters when I was in eighth grade. Luckily, I found my first pen pal Anna -a Filipina lady in New York City at that time. We came to know each other through post crossing and started avidly writing letters after directly swapping some postcards. Having an age gap of 19 years, I was anxious and nervous when sending off the first letter due to my writing ability in English and the issues of cultural identity. However, we opened up to one another about much more personal things in our letters. We both loved reading and had a special affection to read compilations of letters. "84 Charing Cross" had a unique role for me. Like Frank, the chief purchaser of a secondhand bookseller, Anna who works as a librarian in a university also with great knowledge of English literature and always recommends good books she has read recently. We have shared a profound friendship or bond over the 5 years of correspondence.

I am a person who is willing to share with the world. I am amazed that I could still find so many kindred spirits who also comfort via written words in this world of word-processing computers and instantaneous messages on social media. .Pen paling, to me, is a journey full of wonders. I enjoy spending my time with the people who share their marvelous stories with me. In one letter, Anna wrote about how she dealt with her homesick and adapted to the new life when she immigrated to NYC initially, which greatly inspired me to push myself out of the comfort zone to see a bigger world. I even commiserate the LGBT+ situations with a Muslim pen pal from Turkey. We both believe that committing to what is called a culture of inclusiveness would be our life's focus although we may eventually change very little. I also learned the strength of faith from a Namibian girl studying far away in Havana (Our correspondence has been a miracle due to the poor network in Cuba. We've exchanged 98 pieces of emails and 4 snail mails since the summer of 2016.)

I cherish the opportunity to interact with people from totally different backgrounds and cultures. I await the chance to gain insight from exposure to new ideas and views. The journey of pen paling has offered me numerous opportunities to encounter, to deal with and to enjoy new people, situations and places. I value multiplicity of situations and diversity among people as they prompt my personal growth than any other activities. I do at most points know and like who I am. However, one of the most exciting thing for me is that there's still so much more for me to learn, and I would like to be exposed to a bigger world not only in communications but also in academic. I am excited about the prospect of attending college and meeting new people and I am looking forward to the person I will be tomorrow.

nellawatyahmad26 3 / 3  
Dec 12, 2018   #2
In academic writing, we are not allowed to do abbreviation;
> Even though it's difficult to ...
> We've exchanged 98 ...
> ... most exciting thing for me is that there's still so ...
Also, using idiom is only in speaking not in writing especially in academic writing > I am head-over-heels in love with and ... of those things.

double verb, so you should put conjunction > ... good books THAT she has ...
You can utilize adj clause with erase it ;
> I am a person who is willing to ...
> with the people who share sharing their ...

Pay attention to the punctuation;
> ... life's focus [comma]although we ...
> ... new people [comma] and I ... tomorrow (compound-complex sentence)

If there is a comparison, we should put (more/less) > ... personal growth [more/less] than any ...
OP kaia0911 1 / 1  
Dec 13, 2018   #3
Thank you so much for giving me such detailed and thoughtful advice on my essay ! !
I also would love to learn about some advice on the content if you have any :) Thank you again!


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