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Sherlock Holmes and Computers - UC Prompt #2



zashkon 2 / 11  
Nov 29, 2010   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

My interest in computers began the first time I played pinball on my dad's windows 93 computer, but my love for computers wasn't discovered until last summer. That summer, my friend Jeff contacted me over the phone telling me his computer had broken down and that he wanted me to fix it. Jeff and I were acquainted through mutual friendships, and I had helped him with minor technical issues before so he trusted me with his current predicament. Also, I was very confident in my own abilities, not so much because I actually had a background with computer maintenance, but simply because I had been known as the "tech guru" within my family for my entire life. I thought that when it came to things technical, I could fix it, but the reality was quite the opposite.

I imagined the whole scenario playing out as a Sherlock Holmes mystery, Jeff being Watson. We would both assess the damage and I would immediately pinpoint the problem, while Jeff would require an explanation. Then I would say something like "elementary my dear Watson," and go into extensive detail explaining my reasoning to my dumbfounded assistant. This dream was crushed, as I soon realized how little I actually knew about computers, and how extensive your knowledge of computers has to be in order to build one.

We began by replacing the motherboard, which is the heart of the computer. Once we got the new motherboard, we realized that it wouldn't fit in the casing of the original computer, so we bought a new case. After we bought a new case, we needed a new power supply to support the motherboard. Before we knew it, we had replaced so many of the parts it was practically a brand new computer. Through all of this trial and error we finally found the source of the problem, the RAM was defective, making the monitor unable to receive a signal from the computer.

This experience greatly influenced my aspirations for the future because it helped to expose me to a world which I had known nearly nothing about previously. Once I had finished the computer, I realized how much fun I had actually building it. Not only did this experience teach me about computers, but it taught me about myself as well. I found out that if I am truly passionate about something, I won't give up until I get it right. I was ready to give up so many times throughout this entire process, but something within me stopped me from doing so. This same force pushed me past my usual boundaries, to a point where I went above and beyond my normal work capacity in order to make sure that everything was working properly.

The last lesson this computer taught me was humility. Before this experience, I was very confident in my abilities with electronics, especially computers. Now I realize that there is so much more to learn, and that I was just scratching the surface of something entirely new to me. By having scratched that surface though, I have become all that more interested in the computer field and all the knowledge I can attain by pursuing it.

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Anything i need to fix feel free to tell me about... its pretty rough so any help would be appreciated.

g_sengupta 1 / 5  
Nov 30, 2010   #2
there doesn't seem to be any major grammar mistakes or punctuation problems. Maybe look over your use of some commas, but i'd say that's about it. overall, i think you wrote a really good essay. very concise and it shows a lot about who you are and what you enjoy. love the sherlock holmes analogy lol.

good job and good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 14, 2010   #3
The subject of the first part of the compound sentence is "interest," and the subject of the second part of is is "love." And in the second part, you use the passive voice.

I'll suggest an alteration: My interest in computers began the first time I played pinball on my dad's windows 93 computer, but I did not discover my love for computers until last summer.

Here, I'll cut an unnecessary detail:
That summer, my friend Jeff contacted me over the phone telling me his computer had broken down and that he wanted me to fix it.

Above, that is an important part of writing strategy... choose what is useful and what is not. "over the phone" is a valid detail, but not an important one. Stay focused on the experience you want to give the reader.

Awesome.. I can't suggest any changes, really. This essay clearly reflects you, and YOU are impressive because of your thoughtfulness and knowledge. Just go forth and work hard in college! You don't need my advice... :-)

Except one thing... capitalize Windows.


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