Can anyone help me with this essay? I need some feedbacks. Can you see who I am through this essay? Do you think it relates to the essay prompt? Suggestions and corrections will be greatly appreciated! Thanks for your time.
The essay prompt: "Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?"
THE SIGNIFICANT BANG
I shakily slid the forms back into the envelope and sighed. I had just finished filling up my application papers for xxx University and it was a complete and utter disaster. I just couldn't help myself and made one mistake after the other. What's worse was the personal essay, it's even more nerve-wracking than the application forms! I didn't know what to write and I was at a loss for words. I asked myself again and again, "What should I say to you?"
Well, there was definitely no defining moment. The 'Big Bang' that have significantly contributed to me being the proud individual that I am today, was not brought upon by a single experience or an accomplishment. It's a collection of everything that I've done, every choice, every moment and everything that I had gone through and felt. Without all these experiences, I am nothing.
But experiences do not come without change.
I can recall myself realizing for the first time that change didn't come easy. The K-12 program had just been implemented and we were given the choice to undergo the recalibration program. Of course, I took it. Why not? I've been wanting to experience something new and this was it. Plus, I'll be able to help my parents out financially cutting a year of my education from their expenses.
Everyone was rather bold, the ones who took the program. We were leaving everything and everyone we've ever known behind. It excited yet scared the hell out of me at the same time. All of a sudden I was being introduced to new peers, new teachers and a new system I was supposed to work with until I graduated from high school. At first, it was difficult. I had to adjust, more so, change parts of myself to better my chances of surviving through 9th grade.
I knew I could do better and I knew I had potential primarily because my teachers kept on saying so, I just lacked the initiative. That's why it was the first thing I tried to change. At the end, my efforts paid off. I pulled through and I knew somehow, I did good. I got better grades and I earned myself people whom I can really call my friends. For once, I gave myself a break and acknowledged my achievements. I was happy because even though small, I did that. I really did.
The years that came after were definitely better than before I went through the recalibration program even though it consisted of far more difficulties and challenges along the way. That one choice, that one risk I had decided to take created a ripple effect that led to something better that eventually led to even better things which comprise of every moment that makes me who I am today.
There was that time when my parents and I had quite big complications but is also the reason why we have the strong bond that we have now. It was during those times that Love had decided to take a swing at me and shattered my heart into a million broken pieces which helped me find the comforts of friendship. Friendships that helped strengthen my faith and achieve a better understanding of God and religion. These experiences taught me how to prioritize and appreciate the family that I had. It taught me that sometimes, I have to woman up and gather the courage to try. It showed me how to be kind and to trust in people to know who I really was. It was with those experiences did I get to meet someone who is always going to be there for me, even if I lose my way.
In all honesty, it still makes me nervous. You know, change. Having had gone through all that I did was, to say the least, frightening but I'll welcome it again with open arms. Yes, change does make things a lot more complicated but I believe that's what makes it so beautiful. The challenge and the risk of having to face the unknown. It made me see that there was so much more that life had to offer and we shouldn't waste our time ogling at it from the side that we think is "safer".
I'll say it again, everything that I've done, every choice, every moment and everything that I had gone through and felt has made me the person I am today. I am proud of every achievement that I have made and of my mistakes as well. But this is just the beginning. I know I still have a lot to learn and I want to experience more of what this life has to offer but only with change will I get to experience that. Change that I believe the xxxxxxx University has got to offer.
The essay prompt: "Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?"
THE SIGNIFICANT BANG
I shakily slid the forms back into the envelope and sighed. I had just finished filling up my application papers for xxx University and it was a complete and utter disaster. I just couldn't help myself and made one mistake after the other. What's worse was the personal essay, it's even more nerve-wracking than the application forms! I didn't know what to write and I was at a loss for words. I asked myself again and again, "What should I say to you?"
Well, there was definitely no defining moment. The 'Big Bang' that have significantly contributed to me being the proud individual that I am today, was not brought upon by a single experience or an accomplishment. It's a collection of everything that I've done, every choice, every moment and everything that I had gone through and felt. Without all these experiences, I am nothing.
But experiences do not come without change.
I can recall myself realizing for the first time that change didn't come easy. The K-12 program had just been implemented and we were given the choice to undergo the recalibration program. Of course, I took it. Why not? I've been wanting to experience something new and this was it. Plus, I'll be able to help my parents out financially cutting a year of my education from their expenses.
Everyone was rather bold, the ones who took the program. We were leaving everything and everyone we've ever known behind. It excited yet scared the hell out of me at the same time. All of a sudden I was being introduced to new peers, new teachers and a new system I was supposed to work with until I graduated from high school. At first, it was difficult. I had to adjust, more so, change parts of myself to better my chances of surviving through 9th grade.
I knew I could do better and I knew I had potential primarily because my teachers kept on saying so, I just lacked the initiative. That's why it was the first thing I tried to change. At the end, my efforts paid off. I pulled through and I knew somehow, I did good. I got better grades and I earned myself people whom I can really call my friends. For once, I gave myself a break and acknowledged my achievements. I was happy because even though small, I did that. I really did.
The years that came after were definitely better than before I went through the recalibration program even though it consisted of far more difficulties and challenges along the way. That one choice, that one risk I had decided to take created a ripple effect that led to something better that eventually led to even better things which comprise of every moment that makes me who I am today.
There was that time when my parents and I had quite big complications but is also the reason why we have the strong bond that we have now. It was during those times that Love had decided to take a swing at me and shattered my heart into a million broken pieces which helped me find the comforts of friendship. Friendships that helped strengthen my faith and achieve a better understanding of God and religion. These experiences taught me how to prioritize and appreciate the family that I had. It taught me that sometimes, I have to woman up and gather the courage to try. It showed me how to be kind and to trust in people to know who I really was. It was with those experiences did I get to meet someone who is always going to be there for me, even if I lose my way.
In all honesty, it still makes me nervous. You know, change. Having had gone through all that I did was, to say the least, frightening but I'll welcome it again with open arms. Yes, change does make things a lot more complicated but I believe that's what makes it so beautiful. The challenge and the risk of having to face the unknown. It made me see that there was so much more that life had to offer and we shouldn't waste our time ogling at it from the side that we think is "safer".
I'll say it again, everything that I've done, every choice, every moment and everything that I had gone through and felt has made me the person I am today. I am proud of every achievement that I have made and of my mistakes as well. But this is just the beginning. I know I still have a lot to learn and I want to experience more of what this life has to offer but only with change will I get to experience that. Change that I believe the xxxxxxx University has got to offer.
