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my significant dilemma i faced. a death of a boyfriend.



jgatez143 1 / -  
Nov 18, 2010   #1
here is a significant impact of my life that i have faced. of my boyfriend dieing in a motorcycle accident.

I never thought in a million years that i would lose the one who i love unconditionally, then again nobody does? In was a warm summer night and the stars shined brighter than any other. Danny was sitting there with me along with a group of friends. He always made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the room by constantly telling me that.I remember he was wearing a blue Angels hat that night, which is significant. He took his helmet from the table and gave me a kiss goodbye. As he was walking away he turned around and yelled "Jackie... I love you." I smiled and mouthed back "I love you more." He drove off and i turned around to my friends and then heard a sudden bang a few moments later. I was in shock and said to my friends "What was that?" Somebody then drove up in their car and said "Jackie hurry! Get in!" I drove up to the scene praying to God that it was not him. All i saw was his Angels hat on the ground. I got out of the car and there he was in on the ground with cops surrounding him and an ambulance pulling up. I remember asking the cop over and over again "Is he ok, please tell me if hes ok?" The cops replied to me "We don't know yet." Thankfully my dad is a cop in Woburn so i quickly called him and asked if they said anything over the scanner yet. He answered me with a sigh and said "I don't know Jack, its hard to say but he's in bad shape." All i could see was blood on the ground. I quickly got back into my friends car and sped to Mass General hospital. There was a lot of traffic that night considering it was the weekend of 4th of July. I got out of the car and ran as fast as I could to the hospital from where we were. His older sister Shannon was standing outside crying and i asked "How is he?" she then replied "Not good." We went back into the hospital and a social worker came out and asked if she could talk to the family and me. We were in a small room and she was discussing to us what was going wrong, I couldn't bare to listen. While I was walking out of the room the social worker told us that you better not turn around he is coming out of that door. Of course we all turn around and there he was. The doctors and nurses where running with him on a stretcher, I couldn't even recognize him. Thats when i fell to the ground in tears knowing this cannot be good. A few moments later we walked up to the room he had road burn all over him, with his head wrapped. I couldn't believe my eyes. I walked out of the room, and everybody came up to me and gave me a hug and said I am so sorry, I replied to them "Why hes not gone yet, hes going to survive i know it." Little did i know a couple days later on 4th of July they took him off life support. I remember looking out of the hospital room window he was in and saw fireworks and smiled. I never thought that would be the last time i saw Danny. I said goodbye and whispered in his ear i love you so much. Never had I imagined living without his smile. He was my best friend, and the only one who could make me smile when I had tears in my eyes, And hear i am writing this with tears in my eyes. I use to take life for granite and now i know to live everyday like it is my last thanks to Danny. I'm living it for him. He is the fuel to my ignitor I know he would want me to succeed and do well. That is why i am writing this essay with all my heart and all my all into it.

What do you all think?

soccer26 2 / 4  
Nov 22, 2010   #2
I never thought in a million years that I would lose the one who I love unconditionally, then again nobody does.- your stating that no one thinks about it not asking

It was a warm summer night and the stars were shining brighter than ever.

He always made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world by constantly complimenting me.

I remember he was wearing a blue Angels hat that night. don't need to state that its significant, its better foreshadowing if you don't give it away

He drove off and I turned back around to talk to my friends. Suddenly, I heard a loud bang.

I got out of the car and saw him laying on the ground with many policemen surrounding him.

**This is a strong essay about an unfortunate loss, but I think that colleges are mainly looking to see how this event changed you. Build more on how you used to take life for granted and now you live everyday like its your last.
iceui2 - / 70  
Nov 22, 2010   #3
This essay is 99% about what happened, and 1% about how it affected you.

Not to sound inconsiderate, but colleges don't care about how your loved one died. Rather, they care about how that person's passing affected you.

And a last thing: you should try using "best friend" instead of "boyfriend". I feel like talking about relationships is a bit risky in college admissions. Seeing a "best friend" die in a motorcycle accident is a lot more touching than a "boyfriend". But that might just be me. Good luck.
rodriguez31793 1 / 2  
Nov 22, 2010   #4
I agree about the content of the essay, but I believe you should leave in the part about your boyfriend. It really fuels the emotion of the entire essay


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