Hi guys. Please comment and help me revise the essay. All suggestions are welcome.
Deep in the jungles of Africa's Great Horn, a timeless proverb aptly captures a fundamental truth by stating, "A parent nurtures a child but experience shapes the child." True to the saying, life has imbued me with invaluable lessons that have broadened my scope and given me a new lease of strength. After my single mom succumbed to pneumonia in 2000, I was thrown into the vortex of life's tempest, a tempest that left me with an indelible resilience but not without a great determination to overcome many problems later in life.
Indeed mom's death swiped a fatal blow on me. The realization that I had become an orphan at barely 10 years of age threw me into a frenzy of grief. For weeks on end, I withdrew from the company of members of my family. Life seemed to lose any vestige of meaning.
After the low-affair burial, my aunt, Mariciana, assimilated me into her family. I soon realized the difficulties I would face while under her care. My own cousins, who clearly viewed my inclusion in the family a burden,an extra mouth to feed, ostracized me. Although aunt had a steady income from her job at a Catholic Nuns Convent, she could hardly clothe me. She cited the "enormous" responsibility of taking care of her own eight children. Each day, I trekked ten kilometers to elementary school without any breakfast. While in school, lunch was a rare treat that I only chanced upon owing to the empathy of my kind friends. Back at my aunt's place, I acquiescently regarded home, I barely assuaged the pangs of hunger that had accumulated all day with a measly portion of supper. I kept wondering what my future held.
Fortunately, in 2001, Mike and Pam Anderson, a missionary couple from Michigan, USA, whose church I was attending, decided to place me in a foster home with one of their church deacons, Mr Laban Ouma after lengthy consultation with my aunt. They cleared my fee arrears and promised to fund my secondary school education on condition that I serve actively in the church. Occasionally, I accompanied the church elders in evangelism missions in our locality, and took part in the church's farming projects. From these activities, I soon learnt the value of teamwork and diligence that I easily incorporated into my studies and general life.
Life in a foster home was not without challenges. Because Laban was unmarried, he had little experience in family care. I, therefore, had to cook for myself and carry out all other tasks independently. Without a mentor to look up to, I personally discovered the value of hard work one day while perusing the 2001 Kenya certificate of Primary Education (KCSE) results on the Daily nation. To my utmost joy, I read a feature about an orphaned boy who had emerged among the top performers in the national exam. I promised myself to excel as well. True to my resolve, I scored 384 marks out of the possible 500 (an excellent performance in our system) and earned a place in, Kabuyefwe, a prestigious provincial high school.
However, I was set back when Mike and Pam informed me that they could not afford the exorbitant fees required in Kabuyefwe. After scouting for affordable schools, I enrolled at WeaverBird, a local day school. However, disagreements soon broke out between Laban and the missionaries who then cut short my sponsorship. The school administration had no option but to send me packing from class. Desperate, I searched for bursary in several schools to no avail, at least not immediately. Fortunately, I obtained bursary in a remote school, Weiwei secondary school, in the arid parts of northern Kenya.
A small district secondary school with meager resources, Weiwei had less than 200 students and although incepted in 1987, it still relied on its small library that was equipped with mostly old textbooks that were extant in the face of the rapidly changing education syllabus in Kenya. Elsewhere, the laboratory suffered from inadequate supply of chemicals and apparatus for scientific experiments. Nevertheless, I overlooked all these daunting circumstances and read studiously all the while focused in ameliorating my future. I consulted widely with the seven teachers to whom I will forever be indebted for strongly guiding me to success. Come the 2009 West Pokot District Examinations, Weiwei threw a jubilant ceremony to celebrate my triumph in the competitive exams. I emerged the top student out of about 5,000.
Indeed, my experience in Weiwei played an integral part of my success. From the constant struggle to fetch water from an irrigation farm 3 kilometers away from school to the perseverance from lack of reliable power supply at school, I bore each obstacle with dogged determination. Each day as the sun set I instinctively knew a new dawn was fast closing in.
Finally, I reaped the fruits of my labor when I emerged the sixth best student in the 2009 Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education (KCSE) examinations beating over 350,000 other students, some who came from the best high schools in Kenya. Almost immediately, I secured a teaching position at St. Anthony's Boys High School as a Chemistry and Geography tutor. After about a month and a half of teaching, I landed yet a more lucrative job as cashier in Equity Bank Limited, a position I still hold.
From a humble background to the level I have attained, I owe a great part of my success to the life experiences I have undergone. I have traveled extensively and still do visiting schools to give motivation to students by sharing my life experience. Indeed, I take immeasurable pleasure to see most of them embrace what I share.
Having experienced a difficult upbringing and succeeded, I strongly believe that experience can shape an individual into a successful person as long as one embraces the challenges that come and work to overcome these challenges.
mom's death swiped a fatal blow on me.
Hey now, wait a minute... let's look at the phrase... it swiped a fatal blow... does that mean you are giving up? A fatal blow is one that kills, but I don't think you are dead yet!
And I don't think you are giving up either. It is an inspired phrase... strikes a fatal blow... but maybe you can discuss what part of you died with her and what part of you is going to live on and accomplish some things.
Let's trim this sentence:
I withdrew from the company of
members of my family.
At the end of the essay, some words about your mother might be appropriate for fully expressing this as a tribute to her. Don't worry, she lives on in you! I am pretty sure that is how things work. So many perspectives, but just one family of being.
