Can anyone help me find any errors or ways to improve this essay - constructive criticism is encouraged
in advance thank you for looking over my essay :)
Instructions: The essay is an important part of your application. It assists the University in learning about you as an individual, independent of your academic grade point average, test scores, and other objective data. Your essay should be no longer than 500 words.
Topic: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
essay:
The ideals within the Latin word vires are not traits a person is born with but, rather ones that develop with time and experience. The embodiment of the Latin word vires, inner strength, is instilled in my life through my upbringing as a child to an adolescent. Throughout my life my strength of character and strong will have been the pillars that keep me afloat in a sea full of complications and unfortunate events.
Growing up in an environment filled with broken dreams, I saw how hope was lost in the eyes of those who dreamed. As a child I looked around me and saw the paths I did not want to follow; with the intentions of creating my own, one of the people which had eyes filled with sorrow was my older cousin who had no hope for tomorrow. Many considered him to be a genius, with SAT scores way above average, yet his focus resided on quick winnings where drugs and violence was the main marketing product. As my family members were no longer considered role models, it was almost as if I was surrounded by negative influences that followed me around like my shadow. During these years, I grew up with the constant views of violence, drugs, and gang related crimes, which furthermore made me determined of the path I would later take. Vires is strength of all kinds and my determination was to escape the temptations that could lead to my demise.
As I reminisce on my past I notice that I have come a long way from what was expected of me; just because you can't escape your problems doesn't mean you can't overcome them. Refusing to be a product of my environment I found that the light needed to succeed within myself and began my ambitions to become a track star. Starting off as one of the slower runners I was not even considered as part of the team due to my performance level. Yet, this only motivated me to excel pass my peers as Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."At first it was a mission to get into the habits of eating right and exercising everyday resulting in many shin splits, which later progressed to a sprained knee; however those were just some of the sacrifices I had to make. I spent 3 hours on the track everyday trying to improve my stamina and agility, and as an end result I surpassed all my peers and ascended far beyond my expectations reaching an above average time of 10.69 seconds in the hundred meter dash. These accomplishments would have never been achieved if I had not pushed myself to becoming successful to rise against all odds. When all was said and done my will provided me with the light needed to illuminate a room full of darkness.
in advance thank you for looking over my essay :)
Instructions: The essay is an important part of your application. It assists the University in learning about you as an individual, independent of your academic grade point average, test scores, and other objective data. Your essay should be no longer than 500 words.
Topic: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
essay:
The ideals within the Latin word vires are not traits a person is born with but, rather ones that develop with time and experience. The embodiment of the Latin word vires, inner strength, is instilled in my life through my upbringing as a child to an adolescent. Throughout my life my strength of character and strong will have been the pillars that keep me afloat in a sea full of complications and unfortunate events.
Growing up in an environment filled with broken dreams, I saw how hope was lost in the eyes of those who dreamed. As a child I looked around me and saw the paths I did not want to follow; with the intentions of creating my own, one of the people which had eyes filled with sorrow was my older cousin who had no hope for tomorrow. Many considered him to be a genius, with SAT scores way above average, yet his focus resided on quick winnings where drugs and violence was the main marketing product. As my family members were no longer considered role models, it was almost as if I was surrounded by negative influences that followed me around like my shadow. During these years, I grew up with the constant views of violence, drugs, and gang related crimes, which furthermore made me determined of the path I would later take. Vires is strength of all kinds and my determination was to escape the temptations that could lead to my demise.
As I reminisce on my past I notice that I have come a long way from what was expected of me; just because you can't escape your problems doesn't mean you can't overcome them. Refusing to be a product of my environment I found that the light needed to succeed within myself and began my ambitions to become a track star. Starting off as one of the slower runners I was not even considered as part of the team due to my performance level. Yet, this only motivated me to excel pass my peers as Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."At first it was a mission to get into the habits of eating right and exercising everyday resulting in many shin splits, which later progressed to a sprained knee; however those were just some of the sacrifices I had to make. I spent 3 hours on the track everyday trying to improve my stamina and agility, and as an end result I surpassed all my peers and ascended far beyond my expectations reaching an above average time of 10.69 seconds in the hundred meter dash. These accomplishments would have never been achieved if I had not pushed myself to becoming successful to rise against all odds. When all was said and done my will provided me with the light needed to illuminate a room full of darkness.