Small school community - How were you made aware of Barnard College?

Hey Guys,

If you could edit this that would be great! Its the first of four questions for the Barnard supplement.

The question is: How were you made aware of Barnard College? How do you feel Barnard College can help you achieve your personal and educational goals?

With a 1000 character limit.
Thanks in advance!

My mother always spoke about her college years as the best time of her life, and she always credited Barnard with having given her the opportunities to make them so. When I began to look at college's junior year, the first that came to mind was Barnard. I wanted to see for myself the school that my mother spoke so highly of. I visited, and was instantly enamored. The community vibe, stellar academics, and outstanding location all appeal to what I am looking for in a college. As someone who enjoys being involved in a plethora of diverse activities, the small school community really speaks to me. I love that I can take advantage of the many opportunities Barnard offers to create my own college experience. Barnard's wide array of liberal arts classes, appeals to me, because although I don't yet know what I want to major in, I am looking forward to trying many different classes before making a decision. I want to graduate as a well rounded, well educated person, and I can become that person through attending Barnard for college.

Your essay is how should I say... generic. Your reasons to attend Barnard were never elaborated upon. Any person can say the exact same things in their essay. You should probably describe that "community vibe" you felt, explain why you think that Barnard is in an "outstanding location" and you should describe the "plethora of diverse activities" you participate in.

Just give your essay a little more meat and you should be fine. Good luck!

Thanks! That was my fear...I tried to rewrite it although I'm still having a hard time steering away from the generic...any edits would be greatly appreciated!

Heres the newer version:

As long as I can recall, my mother has spoken about how much she enjoyed her college years and how her education and experiences at Barnard gave her the opportunities to launch into a fulfilling and successful adulthood. When I began to look at colleges junior year, I wanted to see for myself the school that my mother spoke so highly of. I visited, and was instantly enamored. The community vibe, outstanding location, and stellar academics are exactly what I am looking for in a college. As I learned about the various traditions that Barnard celebrates such as the Midnight Breakfast and Big Sub, I realized that these are examples of what draws me to Barnard. Not only are they inherently fun, they also build a strong community in the midst of a large city. I have always loved the allure of New York City, and Barnard is able to combine the opportunities of New York with the intimacy of a college campus. Through The Ways of Knowing academic program, and through stimulating classes surrounded by inspiring women, Barnard will help me achieve my goal of graduating as a well rounded, well educated young woman.