I'm totally out of confident in this essay. It was terrible when I have to combine my 700-word common app essay and 900-word activities essay to this 300-word one.
As Kevin have said in Stephanie's post, they should have allow more than 300 words :(. I feel like 'rushing' my activities to the paragraph.
Thanks in advance for your comments. Is my first paragraph too lengthy? I even didn't have space or a conclusion, 'cause it was 350 words already.
Prompt: In not more than 300 words, list and describe highlight of your three most valuable achievements, contributions and experience in context of three activities...
At grade 10th, after failing to get into my desired highschool, I became lost confidence in myself, I joined a basketball club, with hope that playing sport would help me get out of the depression. However, starting as a newbie, I found it hard to participate in a real match. No one wanted me in their team, so I could only watch others playing. Everyday was the same with practicing skills and watching; if I had not got the chance to play, I would have always been a newcomer. My only advantage on the court was that I was taller than most players; therefore, to gain others' attention, I determined to perfect the dunk. After 6 months, I've been able to dunk, which really amazed my peers. I tried my best in the rarely matches that I was allowed to play, and the coach and everyone has acknowledged my effort.
Such small achievement had a significant impact on me, as it helped me regain my confidence. With a better spirit, I signed up for volunteer trips to Thai Nguyen province to collect information on the background of the disabled people who were going to receive free wheelchairs. Listening to their story, I was deeply moved, and I was glad that I could contribute a little effort to the program that was helping them.
I also volunteer as a teacher for disadvantaged children at Youth House, I have chance to meet many foreign volunteers. Though coming to my country with voluntary purposes, they also want to explore Vietnam. I often take them to the Old Quarter streets in Hanoi, introduce them traditional food, and help them buy souvenirs. It is a really good experience as I also learn more about my country as I share with them Vietnamese culture.
As Kevin have said in Stephanie's post, they should have allow more than 300 words :(. I feel like 'rushing' my activities to the paragraph.
Thanks in advance for your comments. Is my first paragraph too lengthy? I even didn't have space or a conclusion, 'cause it was 350 words already.
Prompt: In not more than 300 words, list and describe highlight of your three most valuable achievements, contributions and experience in context of three activities...
At grade 10th, after failing to get into my desired highschool, I became lost confidence in myself, I joined a basketball club, with hope that playing sport would help me get out of the depression. However, starting as a newbie, I found it hard to participate in a real match. No one wanted me in their team, so I could only watch others playing. Everyday was the same with practicing skills and watching; if I had not got the chance to play, I would have always been a newcomer. My only advantage on the court was that I was taller than most players; therefore, to gain others' attention, I determined to perfect the dunk. After 6 months, I've been able to dunk, which really amazed my peers. I tried my best in the rarely matches that I was allowed to play, and the coach and everyone has acknowledged my effort.
Such small achievement had a significant impact on me, as it helped me regain my confidence. With a better spirit, I signed up for volunteer trips to Thai Nguyen province to collect information on the background of the disabled people who were going to receive free wheelchairs. Listening to their story, I was deeply moved, and I was glad that I could contribute a little effort to the program that was helping them.
I also volunteer as a teacher for disadvantaged children at Youth House, I have chance to meet many foreign volunteers. Though coming to my country with voluntary purposes, they also want to explore Vietnam. I often take them to the Old Quarter streets in Hanoi, introduce them traditional food, and help them buy souvenirs. It is a really good experience as I also learn more about my country as I share with them Vietnamese culture.
